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Facebook urges me to look back at my biggest moments in 2013 and manages to miss most of them; which suits me fine – it means I have maintained a private life that FB, WordPress, twitter, tumblr has limited access to. More of my life is out there than ever before. I have had a total stranger stop me in the street to ask if I’m the guy in that video shot at Lizzie Violet’s birthday.

doll02where she fell

I still have people telling me how brave I am for being an out queer – in this day & age? I’m sick of straight actors being called ‘brave’ for taking a gay role in a movie – particularly when the role is of yet another queer dying of HIV. But I digress.

doll01there she fades away

It has been a productive year. Did two great features: Secret Handshake, & Cabaret Noir. Wrote some great short stories, great poetry & even finished a rough draft my romanic fantasy about coal miners in love.

Expanded my following on WordPress, Tumblr & even Twitter. Not that an electronic foot print leads to more people coming out to hear me. I’ve realized that on line energy in rarely equals  the same energy in return.

I’ve made my blog more regular, expanded it to 3 posts a week, with at least 3 photos taken by me in each. Structure has made it easier to do. The reviews have made me focus more on the words I hear – this is a prime case of energy in that seems to often go into a vacuum. I do have a couple of dedicated rebloggers but rarely do I hear anything from a performer I’ve reviewed, except to correct a quoted line (kids, I make notes by hand, in the dark & often on a wet, wobbly table – give me a break.)

doll03goodbye dolly

There will be some changes in 2014. Just because things are working doesn’t mean change is out of the question. How big? That’s another blog post but I will be redirecting some of my non-productive energy output into other directions. 

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Dec 26 – Thursday – hosting – The Beautiful & The Damned

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June 6-8, 2014 – attending – Bloody Words

samplesDishing It Out

“This just isn’t going to work.” Dish loomed over Spoon.

“What do you mean, my sweet?” Spoon tapped playfully on Dish’s edge.

“I mean exactly what I said.” Dish pulled back.

“You can’t mean that, my sweet. We were meant for each other.”

“So you say, but I’m beginning to doubt that.”

“But why?” Spoon attempted to cuddle into the deepest recess of Dish. “No on reaches you the way I do. Admit it?”

“There’s no denying that Spoon, but with you, it’s all take, take, take. You never bring me anything.”

“But, my darling that is the way nature intended us. The dish brings supply to the spoon. Not other way around.”

“So, you think its okay that I’m all give and never get.”

“But, you get frequent caresses from me, my sweet.” Once again Spoon attempted to nestle into the curved depth of Dish.

“No. No. No.” Dish heaved out, sending Spoon skittering across the counter top. “I will not allow myself to be used by you any longer. I cannot for my own sake.”

“There’s some else, isn’t there?” Spoon sparkled with distrust. “It’s that Ladle. He fills you. It’s him, isn’t it?”

“There is no one else. There never will be. No one. Ever. I will not allow myself to be used again a lowly piece of cutlery again. You hear me! Never.”

“Was the soup too hot last night, my sweet? Is that what is troubling you. Or was the milk too cold this morning? Was it something like that. Please tell me. I want to know. Let me share your pain.” Spoon approached again and laid his head on the trembling rim of Dish.

“Oh give me a break.” Dish heaved out once again, pushing Spoon back. “It was your idea we run away, and where has that gotten us? Where?”

‘We still have each other, my precious.’

“I want more than us. I want to be a part of a set. I want cups and saucers. A meat platter. I long for the company of my own kind.”

“But that can never be, now that you have turned your back on them they will never accept you back again. Need I remind you of this?” Spoon tapped a small crack in Dish’s rim.

“So what I am a little cracked. That’s not reason to turn me out. To force me into the company of cutlery. I said I’m leaving you and I will.” The dish rolled to the edge of the counter.

“Baby don’t go. Don’t leave me this way. We can work it out. I’m sure we can. Let me think. There has to be a solution.”

“There is a solution, you have to be less selfish. You have to learn to give, to bring me as much as I bring you.”

“But darling, I hold so little, while you hold so much. We cannot change our basic natures.”

“There’s always an excuse, isn’t there? We’ll no more excuses.” Dish tipped over the counter and crashed to the floor.

dollhouse

Let’s start with food porn from one of my favorites the Red Rocket. They have occasional, limited-edition whoopie pies. One is the carrot cake with butter frosting filling, the other takes it to the porn level – two small gluten free peanut butter cookies with a filling of creamed peanut butter – wow!

tanked tagged and planted

tanked tagged and planted

Now on to real porn. (WARNING: the next two links lead to male nudity & sexuality.) I am fan of Bravo Delta 9. This type of guy, even when I was young & cute, was out of my league. I’ve been following his tumblr/ twitter feeds for a year or so. He clearly represents the direction I hope homo sex takes in the general public.

His attitude to ‘gay for pay’ is delightful in his refusal to accept that derogatory label. He sees sex as fun and though he is more drawn to the female he feels no lack of interest in men and to be paid for doing what he enjoys is a bonus.

His tumbler feed is frequently him replying, patiently & with great humor to fans & haters questions – it’s this ability to parry without bitterness that I find hot hot hot, besides his substantial physical attributes.

mind the sepia

mind the sepia

My reaction is partially due to the my own past of fear, hiddeness and shame around being queer. Today I see that many of heteronormative attitudes around me were as much a shame of sex as of gayness. Delta’s generation is a tide against any type of ‘normative’ sexuality period. He may not even be aware of it, which makes his attitude even more genuine.

Now it may come as a dismaying shock to some that I indulge in porn at all. As much as any man or woman will take a moment to enjoy a nice pair of anything walking past them on the street, I do the same thing. Thanks to the Internet our streets are much wider & we can be a bit more selective about whom we let walk down them.

World Cup of bitterness

World Cup of bitterness

Delta is much younger than I’d like – one of those ‘normative’ locksteps where only the young are hot is a step I missed – he’d be as hot at 52 as he is at 22.

my coming attractions

my coming attractions

August 8 – Thursday – attending – The Beautiful and the Damned

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August 11 – Sunday – attending – Cabaret Noir

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August 18 – Sunday – attending – Plasticine Poetry

August 21 – Wednesday – attending – Blithe Spirit

August 22-25 – attending – FanExpo 2013

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September 18 – Wednesday – attending – Guys and Dolls

September 25 – Wednesday – attending – Measure For Measure

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October 11-13 – attending Gratitude Roundup

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June 6-8, 2014 – attending – Bloody Words

writing sample

writing sample

Breathe

he smelled of cock

in a good way

not that pissy unwashed foreskin aroma

but recently washed

untouched by any hands other than his

since he dried off   got dressed

to meet me for a coffee

to talk about something

a something that wasn’t as memorable

as the fact that he smelled of cock

I merely said   you smell good

didn’t get specific

we had to go though the ritual chit-chat

let our shoulders rub accidentally

hands under the table to squeeze

not grope

I know groping

this was a tender invitation

we both knew we’d accept soon enough

I liked his smell

he liked my grin

the sort  he said    that put a smile on his face

I replied   I’ll put my smile

on  any part of his body

that he wanted

and not too much later

I did just that

as I enjoyed more

than the smell of cock

clearly too gay for the Russian Olympics

clearly too gay for the Russian Olympics

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