Thirteenth Superstition

sampvil

For the summer I’m going back to the series of pieces mythologizing my growing up in Cape Breton. Check the Village Stories page http://wp.me/P1RtxU-1fT for links previous pieces in this series posted in July/August 2014, July/August 2015

Thirteenth Superstition

although it was never spoken

our village was ruled by superstition

(1) one couldn’t walk across the street

without making the sign

of the moose for protection

(2) to leave the house

without a pinch of ground smelt bones

was unthinkable

and when I came to the big city

I was stunned by the lack of spirituality

as people rushed from place to place

without thought or a care

some of the village rituals I didn’t miss

it was sweet not to have to worry about

(3) the caking of moose blood in my hair

to show my willingness to suffer before God

not having to scrub that congealed mass

out of my hair

was a great relief

but (4) I still found myself rubbing the robin’s breast

(5) by my front door every time I left my condo

so that I could fly safely through the day

there was no place in the big city

to keep a supply of (6) ground moose

or (7) smelt bones

and the recent laws against hazardous waste

has made it impossible for my family to keep shipping it to me

(8) I do miss the nightly visits

to the (9) darkened strip bars

where we would be forced

to accept our blindness in the face of pleasure

and waking up in the morning

without hearing the faint trilling of the choir

leaves me nostalgic

for my days at the cathedral (10) singing scales

while (11) scaling the 10001 stairs up and down

to get to choir practice

after (12) touching the wounded moose

standing guard over

the figure of (13) our wounded redeemer

I can sing those songs

in my own private shower

but they don’t sound as full

echoing around the steamy bathroom24blue03

I don’t have much nostalgia for Caper Breton. On my visits I’ve taken pictures of house our family lived in, met old friends. dined at those restaurants that remain but I didn’t feel a sense of wistfulness about any of it. I don’t tear up when I hear down east fiddle music.24blue02In this piece I indulge in some of sentimentality. The nature of superstition & how it shapes & haunts us fascinates me. Myth permeates and goes unquestioned by the subconscious. I echo some of those automatic actions – I still see people cross themselves when they pass a catholic church or are about to do something that calls on inner reserves – like going on stage to slam. A simple hand gesture they may even be unaware of. 24blue01The sign of the moose – I have no real idea of what that might be but it is similar in some way to the sign of the cross. The ashes, the Hindu spot, become the smearing of moose blood. The Jewish Mezuzah becomes the robin’s breast – flying safely through he day is sweet & almost rational.24blue04

I never did sing in a choir, auditioned once but was unable to understand the note. Music, though, holds strong memories for me. There are still songs that can bring back moments of my east coast life. Baby Love by the Supreme’s puts me right back to listening the radio in my room trying to do homework; Santana’s Abraxas lp always gives me a sweet LSD shiver.

But nothing makes me long for those days, not the way my hero does.soon

cover170x170-1on going:-) when new podcast are posted:  Deliciously iTunes

September 1-4: attending FanExpo 2016 (I’ve already registered)

expo16

https://www.facebook.com/fanexpocanada/?fref=ts

October  6 – Thursday Toronto, 8 pm, Buddies in Bad Times Theatre, 12 Alexander St.

et

http://www.queerslam.com/season-3-dates.html

November 1 – 30 Participating NaNoWriMo

nanobullseye

http://nanowrimo.org/

December – Thursday Dec 1st – Toronto, 8 pm, Buddies in Bad Times Theatre, 12 Alexander St.divine

http://www.queerslam.com/season-3-dates.html

6DC0301

April season 3 FINALS – Friday April 15th Buddies in Bad Times – early show – 7pm startgames

http://www.queerslam.com/season-3-dates.html

June 2-4: attending: Capturing Fire 2017 –

newcap

https://capfireslam.org

check out these poets from Capturing Fire 2015: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCx5KD1eDccdjdTdQ28kZRNg

money

Hey! Now you can give me $$$ to defray blog fees & buy coffee in Washington – sweet,eh? paypal.me/TOpoet

Like my pictures? I post lots on Tumblr

blueball

https://www.tumblr.com/blog/topoet

Cream

Few lp covers are as iconic as the psychedelic Disraeli Gears or the printed on silver, Wheels of Fire by the equally iconic Cream. I had to double-check that there is no ‘the.’ I have these now as stand alone cds along with Fresh & the 2005 reunion at Albert Hall. Tucked away on an mp3 collection is Goodbye.Fabric & furI had them all (except the reunion) as actual lps back in the day. Eric Clapton was already an idol for some of my blues friends who were a bit disappointed in the pop musicality of the first release. It didn’t bother me. I loved Jack Bruce’s voice, was amazed that a trio could sound so full & dug the ancient Ginger Baker as a drummer. Though then (& now) I found his drum solos a tad self-indulgent. I would lift the needle to skip the solo in Toad. Fresh was also may first real exposure to blues rock.red fabricWhen Disraeli Gears exploded I instantly knew what l.s.d meant musically. The wah-wah work, the fractured imagery of the lyrics were inspiring. The fashion was to be longed for. I have the deluxe 2 CD release. I love the live BBC stuff but find the mono version unnecessary. I’m not such a sound purist.  When Wheels of Fire hit the cover art was astounding. But now they were a major super band without needing major teen mag promo. In fact they never became teen idols. Clapton was too serious, Baker way too scary & Bruce not interested. They were a band, more than many, that built a reputation on their music chops, not their teen appeal or even their pop sensibility.

Drugs & creative difference pulled the band apart. I don’t think they expected to be a huge as they became & didn’t know where to go with their popularity. The farewell Goodbye was more of a toss off than an lp. A bit of a mess in fact, but a fitting mess. Their live tracks on Fire & Goodbye show the band for what they were: a solid blues trio. The BBC tracks show them as good duplicators of album cuts but never let them stretch out.red cushionI was grateful that they resisted the push to reunite for several decades. Each has had solo careers. Clapton’s being the most successful. Baker has a jazz following & the Airforce group work is fun if a bit rambling too.

The reunion that lead to the Albert Hall 2005 double cd came at the right time. They were all adult musicians exploring their past as opposed to egos trying to prove something. Bruce sings well, his voice matured sweetly. Baker has amazing stamina. Clapton, as some say, might be God. Here he proves it without the need to show off in the process.blue fabric

Looking back at them I realize one of things I enjoyed was the fact they didn’t caught up trends of the time. They didn’t pander to teen pop sensibilities, didn’t get caught up in Tolkien imagery, folk protest, Sabbath like dark brooding. Fine blues musicians who didn’t sink into that style but expanded & then exploded & moved on when they felt they were done.

sample

Tranquil

Venerable El’r  B’la studied the hulking man who stood in the centre of his study. A room that made the br’thra and ac’lytes small was made small by the presence of this man.

‘So you have come for your reward.’

‘Yes Most Venerable Father.’

The man’s face broke into a wide grin. The white of his teeth was a sharp contract to his ruddy complexion. The thick beard around them parted easily. Bl’a wanted to reach out and stroke that beard, to run his hands across the hair on the man’s chest.

‘You realize that your appearance has caused some ripples in our usually tranquil life.’

‘Appearance?” G’th pulled his tunic closer.

‘No, no that that. I mean your arrival here. We do not see many of the from the outside world here in the inner fields. A very rare occurrence. Much is done to prevent this.’

‘My reward?’

‘I’ll come to that.’ Bl’a saw that to explain further was pointless. The man couldn’t comprehend the complexities of life here and was too long outside the walls to even begin to understand. He felt it a shame that the reward would be a disappointment. Death was always a disappointment.

‘May I see your hand?’

G’th placed his large hand on the desk. The Venerable El’r took in gingerly into his two hands. G’th hand was heavy, the back lightly haired. He turned it over. He marvelled at the strength it conveyed. The heavy reality of it.

‘This will not hurt.’ Bl’a jabbed the palm with a silver shaft. It drew blood and skin. ‘This will be analyzed to confirm your connection with the one in question. That didn’t hurt did it?’

‘No Father. ‘ G’th wanted to pull his hand back but the Venerable El’r held it. A pleasant sense of comfort to be held with such gentleness infused G’th. He had never been touched so by another. He found himself  aroused by this touch.

The Venerable El’r released him. ‘It will take a few minutes for the analysis to be complete.’

G’th tugged at his leggings to loosen the rapid constriction at his groin.

‘What will be my reward.’soon

cover170x170-1on going:-) when new podcast are posted:  Deliciously iTunes

September 1-4: attending FanExpo 2016 (I’ve already registered)

expo16

https://www.facebook.com/fanexpocanada/?fref=ts

October  6 – Thursday Toronto, 8 pm, Buddies in Bad Times Theatre, 12 Alexander St.

et

http://www.queerslam.com/season-3-dates.html

November 1 – 30 Participating NaNoWriMo

nanobullseye

http://nanowrimo.org/

December – Thursday Dec 1st – Toronto, 8 pm, Buddies in Bad Times Theatre, 12 Alexander St.divine

http://www.queerslam.com/season-3-dates.html

6DC0301

April season 3 FINALS – Friday April 15th Buddies in Bad Times – early show – 7pm startgames

http://www.queerslam.com/season-3-dates.html

June 2-4: attending: Capturing Fire 2017 –

newcap

https://capfireslam.org

check out these poets from Capturing Fire 2015: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCx5KD1eDccdjdTdQ28kZRNg

money

Hey! Now you can give me $$$ to defray blog fees & buy coffee in Washington – sweet,eh? paypal.me/TOpoet

Like my pictures? I post lots on Tumblr

mauvepattern

https://www.tumblr.com/blog/topoet

Heat

20sunnysky01It’s not the heat it’s the humiliation. I overheard someone on a cafe patio say “I’ve been prostate with the heat this summer.” I feel pretty sure he meant prostrate which means “overcome or helpless” as opposed to prostate which is a gland hidden safely up one’s ass. Though I do have to be prostrate to really enjoy the heat of that gland. But feeling that heat is not humiliating.20sunnysky02What is humbling about this summer’s relentless sun has been the need for sunblock. I’ve general wear 100 but some days I bump that to 110. I’m not going to get into any discussion about the effectiveness of sunblocks but trust me when I tell you I burn easily with anything less than that unless I carry a tube to constantly reapply – which is too much work – you know how many table napkins it takes to degrease one’s hands? 20sunnypark03If you run into me & think I’m looking rather pale – it’s my sunblock not my natural pasty white skin tone. I’d rather look pale than deal with skin cancer. A proper coating is good for about 90 minutes in the sun before it starts to sweat off. The next level up will be clown white:-)20sunnypark04I’ve also added a sunblock neck & ear cover which I adapted from a baby carriage net made of a uv rated sunblock fabric. I doubled it & then added yet another middle layer of handkerchief. I can take it on & off as needed. It fits under my hat & gives me a rather desert rat look, flowing over the ears neck & shoulders. When it catches in the wind feels like having long flowing hair. The next step up would be one of those bee-keepers hats with full around the head coverage but I suspect that would be too suffocating & even more ‘odd’ for street wear. Too ‘odd’ for me.samp01

Motel Still Life (San Francisco)

the constant slur of traffic

on the overpass by the motel

hot sunny afternoon

dusty breeze seeping under the door

fried corn-bread tingles the air

 

the king size bed

hiding us naked on top of the covers

too hot for the heat of the moment

glancing at the mirror

wondering should the lights be out

was it too bright for either of us

strangers

touching for an hour or so

shower drip

music on the laptop blurs car slur

 

another twilight sprawled

alone on the same bed

arms and legs stretched

so skin can breath in the humid air

a scrape of suitcase wheels

along walk from room to room

doors open close sirens tvs

shouting get the fuck over here

you stupid asshole

the sound of night clawing to a close

half asleep from the

barrage blur of tourist delights

 

phone rings on his way over

he comes

I come he goes I sleep

soon

cover170x170-1on going:-) when new podcast are posted:  Deliciously iTunes

September 1-4: attending FanExpo 2016 (I’ve already registered)

expo16

https://www.facebook.com/fanexpocanada/?fref=ts

October  6 – Thursday Toronto, 8 pm, Buddies in Bad Times Theatre, 12 Alexander St.

et

http://www.queerslam.com/season-3-dates.html

November 1 – 30 Participating NaNoWriMo

nanobullseye

http://nanowrimo.org/

December – Thursday Dec 1st – Toronto, 8 pm, Buddies in Bad Times Theatre, 12 Alexander St.divine

http://www.queerslam.com/season-3-dates.html

6DC0301

April season 3 FINALS – Friday April 15th Buddies in Bad Times – early show – 7pm startgames

http://www.queerslam.com/season-3-dates.html

June 2-4: attending: Capturing Fire 2017 –

newcap

https://capfireslam.org

check out these poets from Capturing Fire 2015: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCx5KD1eDccdjdTdQ28kZRNg

money

Hey! Now you can give me $$$ to defray blog fees & buy coffee in Washington – sweet,eh? paypal.me/TOpoet

Like my pictures? I post lots on Tumblr

sky02

https://www.tumblr.com/blog/topoet

Freeing the Nanowrimo Muses

It’s approximately 74 days to the kick off for Nanowrimo 2016. This year I hope to finish the first draft of Picture Perfect. Standing at about 140,000 now it has already taken on a life of its own. Giving myself permission to write without worry has allowed to become more of a ramble a la Roberto Bolano, as opposed to a precise mystery a la Christie.19box01

Thanks to blogging what gets cut doesn’t get lost – it just become blog posts to show the brilliant scenes I sacrificed for clarity. I have several plot threads to follow up, develop or cut before I start in. Each of which is strong enough for a mystery of its own: the Montreal porn industry of the 70’s/80’s; the snake handlers cult; the Maritime Circus Museum; plus of course my main plots. Missing children, my hero’s business & personal life.19box02So far I’ve been good at creating suspense, mystery with clues, plot twists & diversions – I know all diversions need to be tied back into the main thrust of things – if they can’t be they’ll get cut. Creating tension is the issue. The sense of threat, personal danger for my hero that comes from the case that he is investigating – from someone with something to protect. A something more emotionally satisfying & separate from my hero’s discoveries about his Dad’s porn involvement.

This year I bring an altered attitude to the process. This need to make the story logical, to make every word & scene count in some sort of hero’s journey that brings the readers to a sense of complete & our hero to a sense of change is geared to the reader. I’m letting go of that reader, or any reader in fact. I’m going let this story go where it wants to with a few nudges from me, not with any reader’s expectation as the nudge.19box03This past summer I read an excellent book on the publishing industry – it gave a fair-minded, sufficiently detailed picture of how the industry end of things works – none of it is geared to make $ for the writer. Fuck we now have to pay for our own proof readers, for some presses have to do our own type setting, have to prove we have the self-promotion chops to sell the book, that we are willing, in fact to do all that while writing yet another product for them to give us permission to sell. Frankly I’m not interested in any of that – sure selling books would be sweet but not if I have to spend three hours a day is self-promotion & expect to have the energy to write. 19box04

The changed attitude is that I’m just going tell the story, do typo editing & maybe create a PDF file for people to read after I’ve blogged it here. I don’t even have the interest in reformatting it so that it is suitable for smashwords.  In the new year be prepared for the ‘appearance’ of Lazarus Kiss – my first Nano novel ramble.

samp01

#Friend Me

you never answer my texts

he texts me

why not

he wants to be a friend

to know what I’m up to

one day the texts came so fast

he didn’t know

which one I was replying to

when in fact

I didn’t want to reply to any

it was a waste of my time

plus I hate texting & walking

it was none of his business

what I was up to

at any given moment

 

he wanted to made sure

I wasn’t having sex

when I wasn’t even having sex with him

 

he wanted to be my friend

I wasn’t sure why

we had little in common

other than being male

we’d met twice face to face

which was enough for me

and he built on that

even as I made it clear I wasn’t interested

after the flurry of texts

to set up that first meeting

after which I knew I wasn’t interested

 

I am not suspicious by nature

but I value my privacy

there is nothing worth discovering

no trade secrets

no best-seller plots to pirate

he wants something

I’m not sure what it is

nor do I care to find outsoon02

cover170x170-1on going:-) when new podcast are posted:  Deliciously iTunes

September 1-4: attending FanExpo 2016 (I’ve already registered)

expo16

https://www.facebook.com/fanexpocanada/?fref=ts

October  6 – Thursday Toronto, 8 pm, Buddies in Bad Times Theatre, 12 Alexander St.

et

http://www.queerslam.com/season-3-dates.html

November 1 – 30 Participating NaNoWriMo

nanobullseye

http://nanowrimo.org/

December – Thursday Dec 1st – Toronto, 8 pm, Buddies in Bad Times Theatre, 12 Alexander St.divine

http://www.queerslam.com/season-3-dates.html

6DC0301

April season 3 FINALS – Friday April 15th Buddies in Bad Times – early show – 7pm startgames

http://www.queerslam.com/season-3-dates.html

June 2-4: attending: Capturing Fire 2017 –

newcap

https://capfireslam.org

check out these poets from Capturing Fire 2015: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCx5KD1eDccdjdTdQ28kZRNg

money

Hey! Now you can give me $$$ to defray blog fees & buy coffee in Washington – sweet,eh? paypal.me/TOpoet

Like my pictures? I post lots on Tumblrsilvernano

https://www.tumblr.com/blog/topoet

My A** Pu**y

Another of the 48 Laws of Power by Robert Green as a writing prompt.

Law 32: Play to People’s Fantasies

18beige01

My Ass Pussy

ooh I can’t wait

for you to fill my ass pussy

with your man clit

what

it’s not a clit?

it’s bigger than that

you don’t want to be feminized

yet

want to fuck my ass pussy

want to eat it out

then breed me

fill me with your baby seed

I don’t get it

you won’t get it either

because I don’t have a man cunt

 

I’m not a female proxy

I’m a man

I know too many

who have made that transition

from male to female

I respect the cost of that journey

too much

to let you treat me like a woman

sure

I guess it lets your masculinity

enjoy man on man

if you pretend it’s not that

that you aren’t fucking a male ass hole

but his butt vagina

a weird rationalization

a permission to pleasure

without committing to the gender

if you want pussy

why not get someone who has one

that one sure isn’t me

 

no I’m not some sort of activist

trying to diminish your fantasy

I’m not part of it

even if you want parts of me

to fulfill it

am I to be grateful that you want

to breed my ass pussy with your

what …

I don’t know what to call it now

your cock

yes it sure it is big and hard

but

that’s not my dream dick

you are man enough to give it

but are you man enough to take it

18beige02

Like my pictures? I post lots on Tumblr

beigeinterior

https://www.tumblr.com/blog/topoet

Moose-mare

sampvil

For the summer I’m going back to the series of pieces mythologizing my growing up in Cape Breton. Check the Village Stories page http://wp.me/P1RtxU-1fT for links previous pieces in this series posted in July/August 2014, July/August 2015

Moose-mare

I woke in the dark

something   someone

was in my bedroom

a strong whiff of moose

unwashed forest animal smell

decay  shit  water  leaves

 

I shuddered in the bed

pull the blankets closer to me

in the dark

there was a patch of even darker darker

between me and the window

how could a moose get there

what did it want with me

it stood motionless

breath a slow steady wheeze

the darker dark swung its head toward me

drops of saliva hit my face

 

my mother had often warned us

that if we were bad

the moose would come to us at night

to musk us in our sleep

take us away into the Whistling Woods

 

I shrunk into the bed

the covers were yanked from me

in a panic I reach up

pulled the dark onto the bed

not a big as the forest moose

it was heavy

we fell to the floor

hooves pawing at my face

I tried to ride it

but it was too slippery

the smell was foul

the floor was covered with moose shit

as it struggled with me

we slid back and forth

I wondered why the noise

didn’t alert the rest of the family

why didn’t my Dad come to rescue me

the teeth of the moose were thick and dull

each bite on my hip was painful

but didn’t break the skin

it had no antlers

so I figure it was a young moose

small and growing like me

 

I don’t know how long we wrestled

as the sun came up

its struggle increased

I would not let it go

I would have this to prove to my family

that I was was ready for the adult world

the moose trembled

its strength increased

it grew in size

held me flat with his forelegs

its great nose close to mine

each breath it took pulled the life from me

green musk seeped from its nostrils

I went into a swoon

 

they found me later that morning

at the edge of the Whistling Woods

naked

bleeding from a bite in my left thigh

my mind was made up

it was time I moved from my village

17blue01What dreams it takes to wake the future! I do have very vivid dreams – nothing quite as active as this one – but one in which I feel something is in the bed, an insect or a snake – dreams that I wake from grasping something in my hands only to find myself squeezing the sheet in my fist.17blue02I loved expanding the power of the mythic moose – the mother’s tale of one taking you away in your sleep. The power of that fear, of the myths that become subtext to our lives even when we realize they were just stories to scare us. Be good or God will get you – Santa’s making a list.

I also enjoy working with Biblical images – Jacob wrestling with the Angel – they wrestle all night Jacob not willing to let go until he is blessed – this ‘wrestle’ runs through many myths. Fighting the dragon to win the treasure is a variation on it. As always the winner is wounded in some way. Jacob’s wound is on his hip, as is my hero’s.17blue03I had fun with the physicality of the wrestling while keeping it very earth bound with smells, the feeling of size & fur. I guess a bit of Nightmare on Elm street seeped in as well. All too often in movies though the dream sequence is revealed to be a dream, here it is revealed to be real though one isn’t sure what parts of it were real. Did my hero sleep walk? Or was he transported by the myth of the moose to the edge of the Whistling Woods. My hero’s blessing was escape.17blue04It wasn’t a dream that made me decided to leave the east coast but more a sense of suffocating in a culture that offered no place for poor little queer me. This year in Sydney the city painted rainbows in crosswalks as part of gay pride celebrations. Progress happens. soon

cover170x170-1on going:-) when new podcast are posted:  Deliciously iTunes

September 1-4: attending FanExpo 2016 (I’ve already registered)

expo16

https://www.facebook.com/fanexpocanada/?fref=ts

October  6 – Thursday Toronto, 8 pm, Buddies in Bad Times Theatre, 12 Alexander St.

et

http://www.queerslam.com/season-3-dates.html

November 1 – 30 Participating NaNoWriMo

nanobullseye

http://nanowrimo.org/

December – Thursday Dec 1st – Toronto, 8 pm, Buddies in Bad Times Theatre, 12 Alexander St.divine

http://www.queerslam.com/season-3-dates.html

6DC0301

April season 3 FINALS – Friday April 15th Buddies in Bad Times – early show – 7pm startgames

http://www.queerslam.com/season-3-dates.html

June 2-4: attending: Capturing Fire 2017 –

newcap

https://capfireslam.org

check out these poets from Capturing Fire 2015: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCx5KD1eDccdjdTdQ28kZRNg

money

Hey! Now you can give me $$$ to defray blog fees & buy coffee in Washington – sweet,eh? paypal.me/TOpoet

Like my pictures? I post lots on Tumblrbluefloorhttps://www.tumblr.com/blog/topoet

Borodin & Other Killer B’s

15.Fabric01When I first picked up a collection of Boccherini’s Guitar Quintets from MHS I was expecting five classical guitarists tackling Spanish dances a la Rodriguez. Instead is was a single guitarist with violins etc. Quaint, relaxing, more renaissance than romantic this a set of chamber pieces. Sedate & not very challenging. That first version buried the guitar. Not that it stands out in this 2CD Philips set either but better sound quality helps. Charming.15.Fabric02Another lp to cd transfer of MHS releases falls under B: for Bochsa: Harp Concerto; Hummel: Trumpet Concerto; Boieldieu: music for harp & orchestra. These are from a couple of lps. All late 1700 early 1800 work for harp or trumpet. I love the harp concertos & these are delightful, not overly frothy or romantic. The harp, at one time, was a require possession for better families & there is a lot of chamber music written for it. The trumpet concerto is easy, relaxing & still performed, almost a war horse.15.Fabric03Next on the shelf is a stand_alone of  Borodin’s string music. I love the sonorities of string quartets – the interplay as the musicians seem to challenge each other to stand firm & clear in the thick, enveloping sound. I also love the melodrama of stirring Russian melody. Emotional, passionate & compelling. Recently added his complete piano music – moody & stunning impressionist work. Plus a best of: including sections of Prince Igor & Symphony 2 – glorious.

15.Fabric04

sample

Sparkle

The El’r Ft’hr D’br took an abrupt turn on the path through the falfa. There were two unharvested field with a tower in the middle. They headed to that tower. The El’r Ft’hr kept glancing back. G’th knew this was to make sure they weren’t being followed.

The door to the tower opened at D’br’s touch. The sun danced across the silica granite surface sending a sparkle arch of prisms into the air. The darkness inside was cool.

‘Be silent.’

‘Yes sir.’

‘You will be safe here.’

As D’br spoke the room became brighter. The light radiated from the ceiling, from along the walls at intervals. G’th could discern no torches just a soft glow that illuminated the passage way before them

He started to walk.

‘No, not that way.’ D’br directed him toward a stairway that lead up. ‘We must go up to the next floor. The Venerable El’r awaits you. He will be most interested in what you have to say. It has been many years since we have had a visitor from the outside world. Many years.’

The  El’r Ft’hr took G’th to a chamber at the end of a hall. In the centre of the room was a large desk. He touched the surface. It was wood. Real wood. The wall were lined with thick bundles of thin  hand sized sheets that had been been made of falfa.

He pulled out one The sheets of falfa were attached along one edge. Many hundred of them. They flipped in in hands. The sheets were covered with squiggles, outlines of faces.

‘These are books my friend. Books.’

G’th dropped the book he held.

‘Do not be alarmed. We have many things here which are older than our lives but of which we still know so little. You my friend may be one of them.’

The Venerable El’r motioned for G’th to sit.

‘I am the Venerable El’r B’la. We will talk now of your life while you still have it.’

soon

cover170x170-1on going:-) when new podcast are posted:  Deliciously iTunes

September 1-4: attending FanExpo 2016 (I’ve already registered)

expo16

https://www.facebook.com/fanexpocanada/?fref=ts

October  6 – Thursday Toronto, 8 pm, Buddies in Bad Times Theatre, 12 Alexander St.

et

http://www.queerslam.com/season-3-dates.html

November 1 – 30 Participating NaNoWriMo

nanobullseye

http://nanowrimo.org/

December – Thursday Dec 1st – Toronto, 8 pm, Buddies in Bad Times Theatre, 12 Alexander St.divine

http://www.queerslam.com/season-3-dates.html

6DC0301

April season 3 FINALS – Friday April 15th Buddies in Bad Times – early show – 7pm startgames

http://www.queerslam.com/season-3-dates.html

June 2-4: attending: Capturing Fire 2017 –

newcap

https://capfireslam.org

check out these poets from Capturing Fire 2015: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCx5KD1eDccdjdTdQ28kZRNg

money

Hey! Now you can give me $$$ to defray blog fees & buy coffee in Washington – sweet,eh? paypal.me/TOpoet

Like my pictures? I post lots on Tumblr

blackdots

https://www.tumblr.com/blog/topoet

Take A Picture

03.blueselfieI remember as a kid looking at a group of other kids who were making lots of noise when one of them called out ‘Why don’t you take a picture?’ If that happened today I might be tempted but who wants to get charged with invasion of privacy or worse being accused of being some sort of child perv. I don’t do long or second looks anymore, in public.02.mirrorselfieWhen I moved to Toronto one of the guys I met in recovery had decorated his house with pictures of nude men – paintings, charcoal sketches, photographs. Most were flaccid. He said he liked potential. I, being so fresh to the scene, as it were, preferred the proudly erect fulfillment, not the potential. This did change as I aged, as I saw enough images, engaged enough with the real thing. Porn no longer gets me hard but I enjoy it.01.redsocksRather I enjoy photos of the naked male. Note ‘photos’ not gifs or movies. I get bored with watching men engage in sex, even amateurs, on the screen. Live sex shows? Haven’t seen one, yet. Video creates an artificial expectation of sex – I’ve met too many guys who wanted to duplicate that action who felt our inability to do was a lack on a personal level. They didn’t like being told these were not instructional videos, that they were not done in single shot set-up.04.eastcoastslefieThere are some who shame those of us who like to look at ‘smut.’ I don’t pretend I look for spiritual reasons but I’m not going to be shamed either. I’ve come realize that part of reason for looking is that in the flesh, in person-to-person contact there is no distance. One can’t just stop to look for long before the other person says something like ‘what are you looking at?’ ‘is there some thing wrong?’ Live people get self-conscious. A photo lets you look as long as you want, doesn’t blush or even have the right to say ‘don’t look at me you old queen.’ One gets to look at men, who in the flesh, wouldn’t invite a first, let alone a second look.

samples

The Golden Triangle

I wonder where they are

that background – what is it

why that wall paper

why those paintings

the men in the picture

naked sometimes hard

sometimes with fly open enough

to let their business out

or pants pulled down enough

to see pubic flourish

with that aching member arching

into the camera’s eye

 

my eye

wandering away from the pivotal point

the golden triangle not holding me

as I wonder

where did they get those curtains

where is the light coming from

how long have they squirmed on that couch

that weirdly colored rug

while someone

clicks and focusses

getting them to turn this way that

ooh that’s good

getting them to pout to smile

grimaces that only convey

how uneasy they are in front of a camera

with faces that reveal nothing

not even discomfort

sometimes a splash of stoned

the goofy far away look of someone

who has once again

retreated to some other moment

while someone with a camera

zeros in on the part of them

that tells viewers nothing

that may make mouths water

but it ends there

 

I wonder what next

did they go for drinks

was there money exchanged

paying their way through college

or

are they just hapless street boys

lost and being prayed upon

are they confident hustlers

aware of the power of their sweet grins

firm chins and eager eyes

is there pleasure there

more than a rote factory of okay

 

if you ran into one of them on the street

saw him sitting across from you on a bus

or serving you a coffee

what do you say

do you recognize that face

does it seem familiar

but you just can’t place it

without those curtains behind it

if you remember

then what can you say

‘I really dug your PornHub spread’

 

do they know there are men

out there who know

their photographic pixilated flat screen bodies

better than they know their own flesh

viewer and viewed

strangers in a circle

a lens

that captures them both

one in a moment that never changes

each time it is viewed it is the same

no new light no new angle

can fall on the image

 

no matter how often

I count the petals on the rose curtains

study the business

that is never put back in its pants

I can never taste itsoon

cover170x170-1on going:-) when new podcast are posted:  Deliciously iTunes

September 1-4: attending FanExpo 2016 (I’ve already registered)

expo16

https://www.facebook.com/fanexpocanada/?fref=ts

October  6 – Thursday Toronto, 8 pm, Buddies in Bad Times Theatre, 12 Alexander St.

et

http://www.queerslam.com/season-3-dates.html

November 1 – 30 Participating NaNoWriMo

nanobullseye

http://nanowrimo.org/

December – Thursday Dec 1st – Toronto, 8 pm, Buddies in Bad Times Theatre, 12 Alexander St.divine

http://www.queerslam.com/season-3-dates.html

6DC0301

April season 3 FINALS – Friday April 15th Buddies in Bad Times – early show – 7pm startgames

http://www.queerslam.com/season-3-dates.html

June 2-4: attending: Capturing Fire 2017 –

newcap

https://capfireslam.org

check out these poets from Capturing Fire 2015: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCx5KD1eDccdjdTdQ28kZRNg

money

Hey! Now you can give me $$$ to defray blog fees & buy coffee in Washington – sweet,eh? paypal.me/TOpoet

Like my pictures? I post lots on Tumblrredbulge02

https://www.tumblr.com/blog/topoet

The Bad Queer

In a recent Deliciously Disabled podcast Andrew Gurza talks about not being a top or a bottom & how confusing that is for some folks. Partly because of his physicality he strives to be a sexual being undefined by hetero-normative coding. He’s not androgynous, a-gender or even non-binary – he’s a male sexual entity that enjoys other male sexual entities. In other words he’s a bad queer who refuses to fit any expectations – the fact that he’s disabled & sexual already goes against the grain of desexualizing anyone isn’t standard issue.12box01On gay male cruising sites profiles one is given a set of options for what one is into, desires, positions: top, top versatile, versatile, bottom versatile, bottom. There are now some sites that also allow for trans but haven’t refined that to which direction that trans is taking. Cross dressers can also find a space to check on some sites (though most cross dressers aren’t queer). Vac-pump even gets a nod.12box02Already I have digressed from my original intent – to talk about why I am a bad queer – I’m not a credit to my kind, to my age, to … well, you get the picture. I have been shamed for my lack of sensitivity to factions in the binary gender war for being too cis; by the pro-marriage queers for be sexually active outside of my prime relationship – for not accepting the notion that fidelity a scared, profound & authentic reflection of my ethics – shamed for not letting my age de-sexualize me.12box03I’m even disregarded as a poet because I don’t have enough trauma to justify my even being a writer. Good queers have real childhood abuse issues to authentic their needed for the security of a committed relationship.12box04The need for top, bottom classifications produces its own set of qualifications – if you are a power bottom that is good, masculinity goes unquestioned – in fact there are top who will only fuck masculine rugged he-men who are under forty or at least well-hung — no fats or fems for them. Cock size & age mean little to me – once again I’m the bad queer.

The final mark against me is that I am happy to be me. Good queers are never self-accepting until someone tells them they are good queers.

samp01

Being For yOur Benefit

we can’t do this without you

you were the first person we thought of

we love your work

your blog is one of the best

you see things in a totally fresh way

a way that we we want on our stage

in our magazine

it’s for good cause too

we know you’ll want to help

we know this issue speaks to your heart

as it speaks to the hearts

of millions of others

you taking part

will let our cause reach out to even more

people will see you support us

they’ll become your fans too

that’s how it works

this network of support

of mutual care and admiration

this is why we can’t do this without you

please say you’ll be a part of this

worthwhile and important cause

for free

you’ll do it for free

because you are so generous

you don’t need to pay the rent

besides being a part of this

will bring you untold new fans

they’ll buy your work

they’ll make it worth your while

once they’ve made it worth our while

once you say yes

all you have to do

is invite all your friends to the show

to buy the magazine

they’ll be as eager as you to help

this worthy worthy cause

you’ll gain such respect

for giving it away for free

for being so selfless and generous

oh you’re not interested

who the fuck do you think you are

because if you don’t do it for free

it’s clearly not worth paying for

if you don’t think being seen

is worth your time

then you aren’t worth being seen

soon02

cover170x170-1on going:-) when new podcast are posted:  Deliciously iTunes

September 1-4: attending FanExpo 2016 (I’ve already registered)

expo16

https://www.facebook.com/fanexpocanada/?fref=ts

October  6 – Thursday Toronto, 8 pm, Buddies in Bad Times Theatre, 12 Alexander St.

et

http://www.queerslam.com/season-3-dates.html

November 1 – 30 Participating NaNoWriMo

nanobullseye

http://nanowrimo.org/

December – Thursday Dec 1st – Toronto, 8 pm, Buddies in Bad Times Theatre, 12 Alexander St.divine

http://www.queerslam.com/season-3-dates.html

6DC0301

April season 3 FINALS – Friday April 15th Buddies in Bad Times – early show – 7pm startgames

http://www.queerslam.com/season-3-dates.html

June 2-4: attending: Capturing Fire 2017 –

newcap

https://capfireslam.org

check out these poets from Capturing Fire 2015: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCx5KD1eDccdjdTdQ28kZRNg

money

Hey! Now you can give me $$$ to defray blog fees & buy coffee in Washington – sweet,eh? paypal.me/TOpoet

Like my pictures? I post lots on Tumblrglass

https://www.tumblr.com/blog/topoet

Table Manners

Another of the 48 Laws of Power by Robert Green as a writing prompt.

Law 31: Get others to Play with the Cards you Deal

11grey01

Table Manners

this is it

if it isn’t what you expect

make the most of what there is

before you make up your mind

before your expectations

keep you from making the most of what is

because what is

will surpass those expectations

your preconceived notions

of what is ideal

best

desirable

needs to be changed

a chance for you

to get free of culture impositions

you’ve adopted without realizing

or rather

that have inculcated themselves in you

when you weren’t thinking

because they fit so readily

into your comfort zone

if you want to grow

you better step out of that zone

stop being so protective

you’ve got nothing to lose

well I guess

you have to lose everything

that holds you back

this is what there is

this is all I’m bringing to this table

take it or leave it

 

by the way

the table’s mine too

11grey02

Like my pictures? I post lots on Tumblrgrey01

https://www.tumblr.com/blog/topoet