Even if I do say so myself, as host it’s hard to be unbiased, but the Damned’s Very Crawford Christmas was a rollicking success. A packed, responsive house enjoyed the great line up of features, open stagers, endless trivia questions and my spectacular shirt. Give-a-ways were handed out with the sparkling assistance of Snowflake and Tinsel – no need for a Christmas tree with these two in the room.
Sophie Mayer, here from London UK, did a saucy and sexy set, dressed in her fur fringed elf festive attire. I’ve met or heard Sophie before & was eager to hear her. She did not disappoint. I managed to snag her book & chapbook – which I hope she sold enough copies of that she won’t be walking back to the UK. Her kissing poem were right on target for mistletoe season. One line stuck in my mind “He lit a candle in you no one could snuff out” – or something like that.
To intro James Ince I read this poem that Joan Crawford had written:
Where are you?
My heart cries out in agony,
In my extended hands
I give my heart with
All its cries – its songs – its love,
But it’s too late.
You are not here to see its sorrow
Or hear its throbbing of your name
Perhaps it’s better that way
You who love laughter
Did you ever know I love laughter too?
Oh my beloved
Where are you?
Little did we know Joan had so much more to offer besides her eyebrows.
James read from his latest play, “The Ties That Bind.” The section he read dealt with bullying and its repercussions in a sometimes humous, often angry and always with direct raw emotion, not that there’s anything wrong with that.
Amoeba Starfish wrapped up the show with their seductive mix of electronica and psychedelic ambient music. The final set of open stagers read with Starfish accompaniment.
The open stager line up was Marcy Rogers (everyone’s favorite tooth fairy), Jeff Cottrill (everyone’s favorite Ondaatje impersonator), S. MacDonald (everyone’s favorite Anne …?), Rex Baunset (everyone’s favorite Christmas Ho), Tinsel (aka Philip Cairns: everyone’s favorite leftie), Snowflake (aka David Harry Bateman: everyone’s favorite profile), DM Moore (everyone’s favorite Kermit fan)
here are the Joan trivia questions – (answers in the new year)
1 Joan did the first audible what in the Hollywood Review of 1929:
a slap b kiss c tap dance
2 Joan’s first talkie was:
a Hollywood Review of 1929 b Untamed c Our Dancing Daughters
3 Joan’s first technicolor picture was:
a Torch Song b Johnny Guitar c Sudden Fear
4 Joan took how many pieces of luggage to film Trog
a seven b seventy-seven c thirty-seven
5 Who said of Joan: “You are a female Johnny Weissmuller.”
a costume designer Gilbert Adrian b costume designer Edith Head c costume remover Clark Gable
6 Who tried to pull off Joan’s shoulder pads only to discover they were her real shoulders.
a Michael Curtiz b Clark Gable c Franchot Tone
7 What did Joan believe you should never let your husband see you doing?
a plucking your eyebrows b exercising c sleeping around with Clark Gable
8 What did Joan eat instead of chocolates in Baby Jane
a Bette Davis Eyes b tofu tortellini c tiny meat balls
9 What did Joan recommend for fuller eyebrows
a Clark Gable sperm massage b castor oil c hot peanut butter massage
10 Joan accepted the Academy Award for
a The Miracle Worker b Mildred Pierce c Baby Jane
11 In Mildred Pierce Joan’s character
a sold real estate b worked as a cocktail waitress to make ends meet c baked pies
12 Who replaced Joan in Hush Hush Sweet Charlotte
a Joseph Cotton b Olivia De Haviland c Bette Davis