point of view

pov = point of view – in my NaNo novel I use multiple pov – every other scene told from point of view of my hero Harris. Others told the pov of people who have interacted with him – whose lives have also been caught up in his family curse – not everyone who gets caught up in it get a pov scene, mind you, but I wanted to explore just how this curse effects others – those who don’t remember the event at all & one who does remember –

My pov never changes mid-scene. When this happens in books I stumble a little as I read. It can work but, maybe because I’m too aware of it, it always pulls me out of the story, no matter how well it is done – I’m currently reading Book of Tongues in which this happens – the only drawback to an excellent book –

As I edit I am very careful about my use of pov – first draft, who cares, really – cutting where needed – some I wasn’t sure on first write if I was going to need them or go back to them – so I cut two major scenes between Harris’s parents in which they discuss recent events and the history of the curse – I realized these added more pov’s than I wanted. They offered information while slowing down the story itself. Any important information in them will be placed into other scenes.

I hated cutting these darlings as I liked the intimacy between Harris’s parents – but that wasn’t enough to keep them there, plus the story isn’t about their relationship. I also made sure the pov’s were limited to two – my hero & his ‘antagonist’ – by the second half of the book.

As I do these edits I wish there was a way to ‘preserve’ the cuts the way they often include bonus material on DVD’s – there’s often a bunch of deleted or extended scenes. The ‘writer’s cut’ version like the ‘director’s cut.’

……….

here’s one of those parent scene that got chopped:

Harris’s Dad opened the bedroom door. Helen was still sleeping. He stepped in, undressed as quietly as he could and slipped in beside her. He enjoyed the warmth of the bed, the smell of her, the sound of her gentle breathing, the heat of her body.

“Tom, that you?” she muttered letting a hand drop onto his stomach as she rolled away from him and onto her side.

“It’s not the pizza delivery man.” he spooned close to her.

“That’s good ‘cause he barely speaks English. You and Harris seemed to have more to talk about than usual. Everything all right with him.”

“The usual young man unmarried stuff.”

“He’ll find someone.” she snuggled into him. Pulling his free hand to her breasts. “You did.”

Tom nuzzled her neck. “That’s for sure.”

“What time is?”
“You got some place better to be lady?”

“No, but supper has be started. Laundry to be done.”

“It can wait.” he pulled her face to his. They kissed. “You know he doesn’t remember Clara at all.”

“My sister. You talked about her? Why?” she pushed herself away from him and sat on the edge of the bed.

“It sort of came up.”

“I told you how I feel about that bitch. She came here to pull us apart.”

“Helen that was decades ago.”

“She wasn’t your sister, sleeping with your family like that.” She stood and began to get dressed. “When we grew up she always wanted what I had, you know. Always. My Christmas presents would end up as hers if I didn’t fight for them. My parents never understood why I didn’t want to share. They never asked that bitch to share with me.”

“I know but …”

“Don’t start defending her. You know, that was only time we almost got a divorce. You know that don’t you. She almost succeeded in pulling us apart. Couldn’t stand to see me so happy.”

“Divorce!” Tom pulled his pants on.

“That’s right catching her in bed with Harris was the last straw after catching her coming on to you.”

“What! She never came on to me. Never.”

“You and Harris have one thing in common. Convenient memory.”

“When?”

“The first night she was here on that visit. She flirted with you right in front me and Harris. More than flirted.”

“Nah.”

“Believe me, a woman recognizes that sort of thing even when men don’t have a clue. You thought she was being nice I suppose.”

Tom recalled that first night. They went to the airport and picked Clara up. Came back to the house, got her settled into the spare room, had supper and then a blank till the next morning.

“She did seem a bit cool the next day, I suppose, but after the flight I figured she was just tired.”

“Tired! I was gone less than five minutes. She was pissed that I caught her with her hand down your pants. Saying something like she had find out what was making me so happy. I told her this was one thing of mine she couldn’t have. And you acting so innocent. I made sure you didn’t leave my sight. Then when we both caught her with Harris and you acting like it was nothing for Christ sake. She was a grown woman.”

“Harris was …”

“Not that again. He was an attractive lad and she couldn’t be blamed for not being able to control herself. Bullshit. You made it sound like it was his fault and I asked myself did I want to be married to man like you.”

Tom wondered did something happen between him and Clara? He had never considered it till now. This was the first time Helen had mentioned it. But he’d thought Helen was the end of his curse. Maybe she wasn’t?

“Once she was gone it was like nothing had happened. You’re right, Harris didn’t have any recollection of it. That made it easier for me to let of it too.” Harris’s Dad opened the bedroom door. Helen was still sleeping. He stepped in, undressed as quietly as he could and slipped in beside her. He enjoyed the warmth of the bed, the smell of her, the sound of her gentle breathing, the heat of her body.

“Tom, that you?” she muttered letting a hand drop onto his stomach as she rolled away from him and onto her side.

“It’s not the pizza delivery man.” he spooned close to her.

“That’s good ‘cause he barely speaks English. You and Harris seemed to have more to talk about than usual. Everything all right with him.”

“The usual young man unmarried stuff.”

“He’ll find someone.” she snuggled into him. Pulling his free hand to her breasts. “You did.”

Tom nuzzled her neck. “That’s for sure.”

“What time is?”
“You got some place better to be lady?”

“No, but supper has be started. Laundry to be done.”

“It can wait.” he pulled her face to his. They kissed. “You know he doesn’t remember Clara at all.”

“My sister. You talked about her? Why?” she pushed herself away from him and sat on the edge of the bed.

“It sort of came up.”

“I told you how I feel about that bitch. She came here to pull us apart.”

“Helen that was decades ago.”

“She wasn’t your sister, sleeping with your family like that.” She stood and began to get dressed. “When we grew up she always wanted what I had, you know. Always. My Christmas presents would end up as hers if I didn’t fight for them. My parents never understood why I didn’t want to share. They never asked that bitch to share with me.”

“I know but …”

“Don’t start defending her. You know, that was only time we almost got a divorce. You know that don’t you. She almost succeeded in pulling us apart. Couldn’t stand to see me so happy.”

“Divorce!” Tom pulled his pants on.

“That’s right catching her in bed with Harris was the last straw after catching her coming on to you.”

“What! She never came on to me. Never.”

“You and Harris have one thing in common. Convenient memory.”

“When?”

“The first night she was here on that visit. She flirted with you right in front me and Harris. More than flirted.”

“Nah.”

“Believe me, a woman recognizes that sort of thing even when men don’t have a clue. You thought she was being nice I suppose.”

Tom recalled that first night. They went to the airport and picked Clara up. Came back to the house, got her settled into the spare room, had supper and then a blank till the next morning.

“She did seem a bit cool the next day, I suppose, but after the flight I figured she was just tired.”

“Tired! I was gone less than five minutes. She was pissed that I caught her with her hand down your pants. Saying something like she had find out what was making me so happy. I told her this was one thing of mine she couldn’t have. And you acting so innocent. I made sure you didn’t leave my sight. Then when we both caught her with Harris and you acting like it was nothing for Christ sake. She was a grown woman.”

“Harris was …”

“Not that again. He was an attractive lad and she couldn’t be blamed for not being able to control herself. Bullshit. You made it sound like it was his fault and I asked myself did I want to be married to man like you.”

Tom wondered did something happen between him and Clara? He had never considered it till now. This was the first time Helen had mentioned it. But he’d thought Helen was the end of his curse. Maybe she wasn’t?

“Once she was gone it was like nothing had happened. You’re right, Harris didn’t have any recollection of it. That made it easier for me to let of it too.” Harris’s Dad opened the bedroom door. Helen was still sleeping. He stepped in, undressed as quietly as he could and slipped in beside her. He enjoyed the warmth of the bed, the smell of her, the sound of her gentle breathing, the heat of her body.

“Tom, that you?” she muttered letting a hand drop onto his stomach as she rolled away from him and onto her side.

“It’s not the pizza delivery man.” he spooned close to her.

“That’s good ‘cause he barely speaks English. You and Harris seemed to have more to talk about than usual. Everything all right with him.”

“The usual young man unmarried stuff.”

“He’ll find someone.” she snuggled into him. Pulling his free hand to her breasts. “You did.”

Tom nuzzled her neck. “That’s for sure.”

“What time is?”
“You got some place better to be lady?”

“No, but supper has be started. Laundry to be done.”

“It can wait.” he pulled her face to his. They kissed. “You know he doesn’t remember Clara at all.”

“My sister. You talked about her? Why?” she pushed herself away from him and sat on the edge of the bed.

“It sort of came up.”

“I told you how I feel about that bitch. She came here to pull us apart.”

“Helen that was decades ago.”

“She wasn’t your sister, sleeping with your family like that.” She stood and began to get dressed. “When we grew up she always wanted what I had, you know. Always. My Christmas presents would end up as hers if I didn’t fight for them. My parents never understood why I didn’t want to share. They never asked that bitch to share with me.”

“I know but …”

“Don’t start defending her. You know, that was only time we almost got a divorce. You know that don’t you. She almost succeeded in pulling us apart. Couldn’t stand to see me so happy.”

“Divorce!” Tom pulled his pants on.

“That’s right catching her in bed with Harris was the last straw after catching her coming on to you.”

“What! She never came on to me. Never.”

“You and Harris have one thing in common. Convenient memory.”

“When?”

“The first night she was here on that visit. She flirted with you right in front me and Harris. More than flirted.”

“Nah.”

“Believe me, a woman recognizes that sort of thing even when men don’t have a clue. You thought she was being nice I suppose.”

Tom recalled that first night. They went to the airport and picked Clara up. Came back to the house, got her settled into the spare room, had supper and then a blank till the next morning.

“She did seem a bit cool the next day, I suppose, but after the flight I figured she was just tired.”

“Tired! I was gone less than five minutes. She was pissed that I caught her with her hand down your pants. Saying something like she had find out what was making me so happy. I told her this was one thing of mine she couldn’t have. And you acting so innocent. I made sure you didn’t leave my sight. Then when we both caught her with Harris and you acting like it was nothing for Christ sake. She was a grown woman.”

“Harris was …”

“Not that again. He was an attractive lad and she couldn’t be blamed for not being able to control herself. Bullshit. You made it sound like it was his fault and I asked myself did I want to be married to man like you.”

Tom wondered did something happen between him and Clara? He had never considered it till now. This was the first time Helen had mentioned it. But he’d thought Helen was the end of his curse. Maybe she wasn’t?

“Once she was gone it was like nothing had happened. You’re right, Harris didn’t have any recollection of it. That made it easier for me to let of it too.”

…………

stsml

One thought on “point of view

  1. I really relate to this scenario between the parents. I had a sister like Clara. It is so well written, but I think I understand why you have to pare it down. And I have often had the “women know women” conversation. Really enjoyed this.

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