#Godzilla !!!

Last summer at at workshop one of the other writers said they knew my work because it was edgy. I wasn’t sure what that meant exactly. It had something to do with the fact that I don’t shy away from sexuality – gay male sexuality in particular. I don’t mind being considered edgy but I know my prose is fairly mild to some of what I’ve read.

block02The Meadow garden

In conversation at a recent reading with a fellow poet who was telling me about the number of feature opportunities she’s had & continues to have, she was dismayed to hear I’ve only had two features this year – compared to her nearly every other week, it seems.

block01happy trees (till they were painted over)

Am I too edgy for the poetry scene? She said my work is ‘out there’ – which means clearly queer & often sexual, in a fun way. We concluded that if I was a female with in-your -muff work, audiences would be fine with it – they love female empowered sexuality but when I do my in-your-pants I’m too out there.

block03trees and snow  person

At a recent show the organizer went through the audience asking  specific people to be on the open mike & even though I always step up to it & we’d spoken earlier, he deliberately avoided asking me – most of the ones he asked were also regulars so it wasn’t as if he was making sure new voices where heard – but only the voices he wanted – am I being overly sensitive – maybe, but let’s face it folks, I’m a poet – a big bald queer poet – if you don’t want me on your stage say so. I have enough to do, so one less show to worry about is fine by me.

 

samples

Arrgh

as a kid

I would often play at being Godzilla

stomping on my toys

kicking them over

breathing my fire breath on them

invulnerable    powerful   dangerous

enjoying that ants were sacred of me

as I grew up

I would pull on my Godzilla suit

when things weren’t going my way

emotionally swing out at people

stomping on their intentions

when they didn’t suit my expectations

I later found out that Godzilla

was a man in a rubber suit

a small Japanese man

actually men

because the suit didn’t breath properly

the actors would tire out  get sick

they couldn’t see well out of the eye holes

and have to lead to the set

pointed in the right direction

just like my loss of vision

when I pulled on my Godzilla suit

to strike out at life

refusing to let anyone

lead me in the right direction

like those actors

no one knew who I really was

as long as I wore the suit

if the actor was in the suit too long

he’d break out in a rash

get too itchy to wear it

me I’d break out in rash decisions

end up with itchy resentments

that I’d take out on those around me

every good villain has a motive

has something he wants

but it was never clear what Godzilla wanted

expect to be left the fuck alone

we never see Godzilla relaxing

beyond floating

to the bottom of the sea to sleep

all of his energy was spent

battling the nuisances of a life

he didn’t even want to be part of

of being a monster

stuck in a normal world

that didn’t have a place for monsters

625454_10153110474755725_1849956336_nedgy in beige

6 thoughts on “#Godzilla !!!

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