A good friend of mine gets his heart broken nearly every time he falls in love. He wonders if its his fault for the kind of man he falls for. I don’t know exactly what to tell him. I don’t think the fault lies in him or the men but in a culture that measures relationship success by some skewed (to me) standard of cinematic logic.
The logic that says love is a form of emotional ownership that cures all, makes one another’s shortcomings acceptable, and so on. Held together by the notion of forged emotional bonds that never get tested or that will fall apart if they fail that test. Forged of course by sexual fidelity and endless available sex. Anything held together by come falls apart in the wash.
I suspect many people fall into relationships simply so they won’t have to keep looking. The dating meat market is so brutal on self-confidence the opportunity to get out of it is welcomed. When we can’t we be friends and lovers forever blame and guilt take the place of connection and communication.
I’ve found it much easier on my heart to see relationships as opportunities not as solutions. Sure I have some expectations but having them fulfilled isn’t the basis of a friendship. Though the ways my expectations are met do shape the relationship. If it doesn’t, it doesn’t work – I can continue or walk away without making the person responsible.
In other words as much as I love to love and to be love I can live without your expectations of love being fulfilled.
“Play ‘Hey Diddle Diddle’.” Spoon called out.
“Later, man,” Cat took his bow away from his violin. “I’ve played it twice now already.”
“Yeah, I know, but me and the missus are here for a holiday cruise.” Spoon gave Dish a light tap. “And she wants to hear our song one for time.”
“That’s cool, Spoon. I know the story but I have other people here with requests of their own. Haven’t I? Jack Sprat and his wife won’t be happy if they get none.”
“Look, Cat.” Spoon stood. “I worked hard to get here and I expect to get what I came here for.”
“Money can’t buy everything, you know.” Cat arched his back.
“Don’t antagonize the darn cat, Spoony,” Dish tried to pull Spoon away from Cat before things got worse. “Can’t you tell he’s in a bad frame of mind. Must have a thorn in his boots.”
“Yeah, yeah. Whatever you say Babe. Let’s go up to the pool. We’ll be back later Cat so be prepared. You’ll get a licking you won’t forget.”
“Of course, sir,’”Cat wet his lips and picked up his bow and fiddle again. “Now that we have gotten rid of those clods, are there any more requests.”
“There’s A Hole In The Bucket.” Shouted jack.
“Fly me to the Moon.” Cow threw a ten dollar bill at Cat’s feet.
“Avec Plaisire.” Cat watched till Dish & Spoon had left the lounge before starting.
“How can you act like that?” Dish rasped. “I just wanted to get away for a few days to relax, and here you go trying to stir things up with anyone and everyone.”
“I’m sorry, my sweet, but I want to make sure you have a good time. After your nasty fall, you needed to be treated with extra care and protection.”
“I will not break that easily.” Dish shuddered at the recollection of her recent fall from the counter. No new breaks & her crack didn’t get any wider.
“I realized that long ago my love, but you are still the most delicate of tableware to me and it’s hard for me not to worry about you.”
They found room on the rack to lay in the sun. Below them others played and frolicked in the soapy water of the pool.
“Oh, no,” Dish mumbled.
‘What is it my dear.’
“That hussy, Tea Pot, has come out of her cabin. Let me tell you, she’s not that little anymore.”
Spoon was fascinating by the bulging figure of Tea Pot. Her handle, her spout. But he knew there was was no way in for the likes of him.
“Tea Pot how are you this morning.” Spoon asked
“Just longing for you to tip me over and pour me out, Spoony.”