Mixed Messages

Here’s something from the archives. It was one of my first ‘big hits’ that people would ask for or would say ‘yes, yes’ when I started it, which I think meant they were happy to hear it. It works nicely as a duet or even group piece. I’ve performed it a few times with Cathy Petch to good effect.

parkingmixed media

I think it’s pretty clear where the idea came from – for those you who wonder where writer’s get their ideas – here I take one of those magazine articles on what does he or she mean when they say “  ”- or what does that hair flip really mean.

pile skiing not in the mix

It also works with the nature of Freudian slip – where in one inadvertently says what they really mean – saying “I loath that”  when they intend to say “I love that.”

bleak lost in the mixt 

In Mixed Messages the slips of tongue aren’t that sonic or subtle. More along the lines of ‘I’ll call’ means ‘Don’t hold your breath.’ But being me I wanted to push things to the extreme without being too subtle to start with. The challenge with over-the-top, in this case, was to start with something pretty over the top to begin with – ‘useless piece of shit’ is strong stuff. Plus doing it without getting more vulgar than ‘shit’ added another constraint I enjoyed working within.


May 26 – attending – King John – 2 pm – Stratford


June 6-8 – attending – Bloody Words

June 23-27 – attending – Manuscript to Book – Loyalist Summer Arts – Belleville, Ont https://www.facebook.com/events/589522924455695/


August 28-31 – attending – FanExpo Canada http://www.fanexpocanada.com


Mixed Messages


I’m sorry

when I called you a useless piece of shit

I really meant to say

how much I respected you


when I admitted I made out with your brother

because it was close as I could get to you

without having to touch you

I actually meant say

I cherish the time we spend together


when I said

the sight of you makes me want to vomit

I actually meant to say

the thought of not seeing you again leaves me bereft

and without a reason to live


when I went behind your back

and lied to everyone

that you had given me a social disease


I had intended to thank them for being your friend

and that the disease

was just a bad case of loving you too much


trust me that when I called

you a cheap money grubbing soulless dick head

as bright as bag of sour milk

I meant to say

you were someone with the finest

emotional and spiritual insights


when I called you the

the useless off spring of two demented

misshaped unwashed oozing genitalia

that were ground together

in a blind moment of drunken stupor

I was really trying to say

that I can’t stand the thought of you


so get the fuck out of here now

sorry sorry I mean


I just want to know

how long it would be before you get here

so we can be together


believe me

I really really miss you

more than words can say


tunnel sometimes a tunnel is just a tunnel


One thought on “Mixed Messages

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