Compulsive Liar

I was going to title this blog post: Slow Service = I Walk Out but realized that ‘Compulsive Liar’ was a much sexier title. More about that compulsion later but first why I walk out of coffee shops.

As I get older my levels of patience have changed for certain things. I can deal patiently with line-ups at banks, FanExpo – I come prepared with my iPod & something to read on my Kindle. If I’m lucky there is enough eye-candy, or questionable footwear, to amuse me as well.

fence fence me in

But there certain places I won’t wait more than, say, 90 seconds when I get to the counter for service. I don’t mind a line up at Tim Ho’s or Starbucks but if I’ve waited long enough to get to the front of line & there’s no counter service promptly enough I’m out of there.

I know my few bucks doesn’t mean much to their bottom line, I don’t even think my time is all that valuable but customer service is – especially when the joint in question is supposedly fast food.

shade shade in the shade

In one local cafe (down on Gerrard) there was food prep behind the counter but she wasn’t authorized to take orders or even knew where the service person was. She went to check but I didn’t hang around while she looked. If you want loyal customers offer more than good coffee.

In fact there’s a Starbucks on the Danforth (at Jones) I won’t go into again because of crappy counter service – once, when I did get service, I ordered a breakfast sandwich, waited & waited till they realized they had forgotten my order – an apology was all I got, plus the sandwich. Two other times there’s been at least four behind the counter busy at something, no customers, and no service after my 90 second rule & I was out of there. After a third time of the same I decided never again.

spoon the dish ran over the spoon

Call me cranky but if you are going wait on the person behind me because you think your co-server has waited on me I’m walking. I used to get pissed but my attitude now is more of indifference. You don’t want my dollars why should I care? I now see it as a sign of how much I want something as opposed to needing it – not that anyone really needs coffee & a bagel but … if my want isn’t fulfilled I think a bit more and it’s gone – the universe has worked through bad service to spare me yet another unnecessary self-indulgence and saved me a couple of bucks at the same time.

Besides, in TO, there’s a coffee shop on every corner, so the walk to good service isn’t that far.


Compulsive Liar

I am a compulsive liar

I don’t think twice about it


compulsive and automatic

the brunt of my dishonesty

is always felt by telephone solicitors

I don’t think twice about telling them

they have the wrong number

if I hear that boiler room chatter

in the background

I wonder if they can hear me

the lie comes from my lips

with such ease

before I hang up

I used to try to annoy them back

ask them to repeat themselves

because of their accents

say I can’t hear you clearly

also lies

because I didn’t care

what they were saying or selling

I merely hoped the call

was being recorded

for quality purposes

that someone would hear my gripe about

accents or volume

and heads would roll

now I say wrong number

I keep my voice polite

maybe with a note of apology in it

and hang up as fast as I can

before they can respond in anyway

the less I engage

the less I lie

and that’s the truth

dish spoon’s revenge


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