n0ir n0ir 7

Icy sidewalks (can we talk about the city’s war on pedestrians), subzero weather, storm warnings & even the Grammies didn’t keep people away from the February Noir. I’ve seen bigger houses for the show but regardless of size of the audience the talent on stage is always large.


After a round of dynamic open stagers – Philip Cairns (missing Anita Ekberg), Tracy Hamilton (romantic memory), myself (bitter/sweet romantic memories), Josh Goldstein (fast flow fever dreamer) – David Bateman gave us a fine set from his recent books, & also a lesson that being published isn’t the road to riches.

His monologue on the death of a lover starts ‘am I ready to write about you/two decades later’ – there is no time limit to grief – ‘you and someone like you dying inside me.’ The set was sprinkled with haiku ‘if there’s a kind of hush/all over the world/why can’t you shut up.’


A brief intermission was followed by Toronto’s Unexpected Bite: Regina Dentata as she explores the various forms of burlesque. To a great 007 theme remix she was captivating in an emerald green glitter gown that would have been perfect for the Grammies red carpet. Slinking through the audiences she drew a few lucky guys into her routine, doing a glove peel around the neck of one man (he may never wash that neck again:-) ). A sweet reveal and some dangerous derriere tease that made twerking look tame.

Special guest Dan Curtis Thompson took to the stage, indulging in banter with Regina as she changed behind the backstage curtain: ‘it’s not sex if it’s your brother.’ He did funny, romantic story telling (as opposed to stand-up) structured around irrational fears – balloons & falling in love – both of which are unavoidable – the need to tell someone you love them becomes literally like a balloon filling and about to burst.


By now the hands on the clock were pushing past 10 & it was time for me to head for home (thirty minutes via TTC) so I missed the bulk of Shikha Sehgal’s set – what I heard was, not surprisingly, excellent. Next month is Lizzie Violet’s Cabaret Noir’s 100th anniversary show – get there early if you expect a decent seat. https://www.facebook.com/events/871522222908961/


besides ‘a crown of #kisses’ http://wp.me/p1RtxU-13E I read




you owe me sixteen dollars

for that time

you forgot your wallet again

when you were taking me out to lunch –

you owe me for all those boring

comic Jim Carey movies

I had to see to keep you happy

while you refused to see anything

that I might have actually enjoyed –


you owe for the times

I’ve skipped seeing my friends

so I could be with you –

seeing lousy movies

you owe me

for never skipping your friends

to be with me –


you owe me for

never telling me that you loved me –

you owe me for the three weeks

I had the crabs

and had to wash every sheet in my house

and then had to wash all your sheets

you owe me

for the time I spent sorting your laundry

and folding it

and putting away

while you were too sick to do anything –


you owe me for the two trips to Montreal,

for the week-end in Niagara Falls –

you owe me for the the cd’s I lent

you to get burned

but which vaporized somewhere along the line –

you owe me for the computer virus

you though was so cute

but which ate not only my hard drive

but also my cat

and the house plant you bought me –

you owe me for the times you got off and I didn’t –

you owe me for the the five bounced checks –

you owe me for taking me for granted –


you owe me

for the free rental of my thoughts

and worries

when I could have been worrying

about things

that deserved my worry –

like the holes in the ozone

you made with oven cleaner –

you owe me for the starving children

in wherever the hell they are

because you made me look a that commercial

and send them money

and now I get photos

of even sicker kids every week –


you owe me

you owe me

for the broken ankle you got

falling down the stairs drunk –

you owe me for death of your parents –

you owe me for the bad season of the Walking Dead –

you me for updating your FB status

to ‘in a relationship’

and five minutes later

when you were supposed to be taking a shower

I saw you on Grindr

looking for NSA


you owe me for

the shitty attitude that waiters give me

when I go out to lunch on my own –

you owe me for the now lumpy mattress

I have to sleep on –

you owe me

for the time I found out

that you weren’t even human –

you don’t remember that do you –

well I do and you owe me for that

you inhuman prick –


you owe me big time

and will always owe me big time

and now it’s payback time

so get our your wallet

I mean cash

no more bounced checks


March 7 -Saturday – attending – 2015 Toronto SpecFic Colloquium – Round Venue, 152A Augusta Ave., Toronto



April 26 – Sunday – 2-5 – Featuring – The Secret Handshake Gallery – 170 Baldwin Ave., 2nd floor, Toronto.


June 5-7 – attending – Capturing Fire – Washington DC



(2015 registration posted but details not posted yet. I’ve registered already 🙂 )

June 21-26 – attending – Rosemary Aubert’s Workshop – Loyalist – Belleville


Loyalist Workshop is the real deal

(further info & links: TBA)

September 3-6 – attending – Fan Expo



October 18, Sunday – feature: Cabaret Noir: Deep Burlesque Hallowe’en




Like my pictures? I post lots on Tumblr


2 thoughts on “n0ir n0ir 7

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