Arrgh – Godzilla

sample

Arrgh – Godzilla

as a kid

I would often play at being Godzilla

stomping on my toys

kicking them over

breathing my fire breath on them

invulnerable powerful dangerous

enjoying that ants were sacred of me

as I grew up

I would pull on my Godzilla suit

when things weren’t going my way

emotionally swing out at people

stomping on their intentions

when they didn’t suit my expectations

I later found out that Godzilla

was a man in a rubber suit

a small sweaty Japanese man

actually men

because the suit didn’t breath properly

the actors would tire out  get sick

they couldn’t see out of the eye holes

and had to lead to the set

pointed in the right direction

just like my loss of vision

when I pulled on my Godzilla suit

to strike out at life

but I refused to let anyone

lead me in the right direction

if the actor was in the suit too long

he’d break out in a rash

get too itchy to wear it

me I’d break out in rash decisions

end up with itchy resentments

that I’d take out on those around me

like those actors

no one knew who I was

as long as I wore the suit

every good villain has a motive

has something he wants

but it was never clear what Godzilla wanted

except to be left the fuck alone

we never see Godzilla relaxing

beyond floating

to the bottom of the sea to sleep

all of his energy was spent

battling the nuisances of a life

he didn’t even want to be part of

of being a monster stuck in a normal world

that didn’t have a place for monsters

rubble02

Godzilla sneezed

This is a piece that works on many levels – the retro nostalgia of Japanese horror movies for starters and how they effected the child and how they resonate within us as adults. Though this pulling on of the suit didn’t occur to me as the result of nostalgia. I’d purchased a great Godzilla t-shirt at FanExpo & was wearing at a recovery meeting. The topic was acting out and this whole image of me donning the Godzilla suit to act out as someone I wasn’t came to me.

boots

Jake was here a minute ago

It moves into the practicality of the actors in those suits – all true info about the rashes, the visual difficulties – which were somewhat solved for later movies. I push the analogy of hiding in the suit, acting out in the suit, in hopes that the suit would get the blame – no one blames the actor in the Godzilla movies for the damage that results.

boot2

booted under

I might also add that sweaty Japanese men are definitely on my list of turn ons – I’m sure some of that comes from these films and the exoticness of the actors – though the good-looking one’s were usually the reporters not the scientists. The American release of the first Godzilla was repackaged from the original to include scenes with Raymond Burr (pre-Perry). Burr is one of those out-but-hidden  gay actors – adding an ever deeper resonance of the nature of hidden to this piece.

Like my pictures? I post lots on Tumblr

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Like my pictures? I post lots on Tumblr

https://www.tumblr.com/blog/topoet

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