Porn Has Ruined My Sex Life
he wanted to try
fucking
sprawled over the back of a couch
something he’d seen
in a porn movie
when it wasn’t as hot
or as easy as it looked
I had to tell him
porn movies aren’t instructional videos
he looked a bit miffed
as if it was our fault
that neither of us could duplicate
the endurance flexibility
of those performers
I told him
they don’t do single take session
just like real movies
they stop for snacks
to have their testicular make up adjusted
which is even more important
now with everything in HD
I showed him one sequence
where the stunt dick steps in
to fuck the stunt ass hole
that the two actors
he had been so intense upon
had been replaced
for those all important close ups
unless between camera set ups
one of them grew a foreskin
and the other had his ass shaved
he wasn’t assuaged
by these revelations
once again
porn has ruined my sex life
and my couch
This piece was inspired by exactly what it says – a guy I see wanted to try something he’d seen in a porn & when it didn’t flow as he felt it should he was let down but he was also the one to realize that what happens on screen isn’t reality.
The other facts about what happens on a porn shoot is stuff I’ve picked up from reading blogs by porn actors, & some from personal knowledge. I did watch a porn scene in which the genitalia of the actors changed for close ups.
Some is totally random – testicular make up? Plausible but not practical under the extreme circomestances it would be used. Even though HD has changed porn somewhat, the amateur field has exploded anyway. Seems many find ‘comfort’ in the slightly blurred image – HD is too harsh a reality.
I also notice the music in porn – when I watched it at all & if I watch it with sound. The great guitarist Mike Bloomfield recorded original music for porn late in his career but I haven’t found those released, yet. What I did find was Patrick Cowley’s School Daze: a great collection of early 80’s synthesizer soundtrack stuff. When I hear it on my iPod I feel like I’m walking down the street in a porn movie where a hot shirtless guy washing his car accidentally squirts me. I hope he can afford a new couch.
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holy groped
