A friend of mine likes Philippine men. Over the years he’s had sex with blacks, whites, latino and now finds he’s enjoying Filipinos more than the others – he wonders if that makes him a racist. Has he fetishized race?
lose those jurassic attitudes
There has been, & will be a lot written about eroticizing skin color. I’ve come across rants about Asian men who don’t understand why other Asian men don’t find them attractive – how black men who like white guys only are buying into a cultural bias that only white is beautiful. I heard a brilliant spoken-word piece by a Vietnamese man in love with a white man that said ‘I’ve been taught that your skin is beautiful.’
So when my friend questions his Filipino preference I really can’t say if he is racist or not. I look at my own rather limited sex experiences and they have (& still do) span the globe. The trouble is if you admit to liking men of many types, races, sizes, shapes you aren’t considered liberal but a slut with no sense of value.
white & black & hard
With the current wave of gender analysis it seems even my particular cismale sexual preference for other cismales is suspect – it comes from cultural values I should have the intellectual ability to cut through – or something like that. It echoes the argument that the fact that gay men do not find straight women sexually attractive is misogyny. By extension if I do not find, say, a trans sexually alluring its clear I’m transphobic.
busted
I can’t help but think this comes down to a cultural bias about sex itself, not about color, gender or class – a bias in which pleasure is devalued and those that don’t also devalue it are self-indulgent sluts with no values. Because I don’t have values doesn’t mean I’m worthless 🙂
FWB
‘I feel guilty’
his cock clearly had so such qualms
neither did mine
‘but I was so fucking horny’
whatever
‘he’s a nice guy’
yeah they all are
but there are times
when nice isn’t enough
nice doesn’t have
that little something extra
the dash of guilt
because I’m sure
we’re doing pretty much what
he does with his nice guy
the new guy
the one he started dating
a few months ago
they both agreed
not to sleep around
as they built a commitment to each other
which was fine by me
fwb meant that
those benefits could end
I was fine with that
not that I didn’t like
have affection for him
but sexual ownership
isn’t a part of my emotional make-up
as far as I’m concerned
commitment built on sexuality fidelity
is already on shaky ground
so when he contacted me
after a few months
of the new relationship
they were still dating
sleeping over now & then
I wasn’t surprised
I didn’t tsk tsk
didn’t pry into how things were going
that fact that he said
‘I feel guilty’
was already too much information
we did what we knew
satisfied each other
if this was sex out of the box
I might understand his need for guilt
but it wasn’t
it was ordinary suck fuck fun
for which I felt no guilt
merely a little come sticky
until I got home
to wash myself clean
