My Brilliance

My recent post on Shame (http://wp.me/p1RtxU-1le )was inspired by my brilliance – that’s right – my brilliance – does that sound egotistical? Conceited? Shouldn’t I be ashamed to make such an admission, where’s my sense of modesty?

selfieb01

I use affirmations – some on a daily basis – to counterbalance the cultural messages we all get bombarded with – i.e. you’re fat & fat is bad; you’re queer & that makes you less human; you’re old & not sexually attractive; you’re not pretty, white, black, fit, rich enough for happiness. An affirmation I’m currently using is: ‘I am guided to the best way to express my brilliance.’

selfieb02

The arguments in my head against this affirmation, against even admitting this, are: it sounds egotistical? Conceited? Shouldn’t I be ashamed to make such an admission, where’s my sense of modesty? If I’m so brilliant where’s my Governor General’s Award etc. If it’s not making $ it’s useless – now there’s a cultural message that’s impossible not to hear & just as hard not to get trapped by.

selfieb03

me & Frank in DC

In the past couple of years I’ve begun taking selfies (http://wp.me/p1RtxU-UV) whenever I’d come across a mirror, often in washrooms, but sometimes in the street: store windows, actually tossed out mirrors. This pushed me to look at my body image, at how I feel about people who post selfies – who do they think they are etc. You know, I’ve got a great smile. There’s also lots of pics of me performing, on stage, & those are great fun even though I have little control of how I’m going to look – it’s hard to pose & perform – or wonder is that my best side?

selfieb04

brick walled at Loyalist

Seeing them has lead me to a greater acceptance, at least an indifference, to how I look. Besides when I’m on stage I’m always brilliant so I look fantastic.

samples

This is an old piece that looks at some of those old affirmations (http://wp.me/p1RtxU-io)

Critic (put those crayons down)

you call that colouring

if you can’t stay in the lines

why bother

why waste money on colouring books

you’ll never be an artist

till you can colour within the lines

you’ll never be a great writer

with handwriting like that

you have to write between the

lines

not over them

not in slanting dribbles across the page

you’ll never be a writer

till you learn how to spell

you don’t smoke up

were never sexually abused as a child

don’t have a chemical in-balance of any sort

you don’t have enough suffering

to be worth listening to

you’ll never be genius

you’re just too well-balanced

to be authentically creative

you’re too old

too fat

too queer

so put those crayons down

it’s too late for you

no

 

money

Hey! Now you can give me $$$ to defray blog fees & buy more music – sweet,eh? paypal.me/TOpoet

November 1 – 30 Participating NaNoWriMo

http://nanowrimo.org/

hot

Like my pictures? I post lots on Tumblr

me01

https://www.tumblr.com/blog/topoet

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s