The Decision to Live

In a Deliciously Disabled podcast Andrew Gurza talks about his decision to live. At one point in his life, in conversation with a friend, the friend said, to the effect -“You’re so brave, I would have killed myself.” As I heard Andrew talk about this moment I was stunned & chilled.

27mirror013But not surprised. We live in a culture in which lgtbq, non-binary & sexual searching teens commit suicide at an alarming rate. The reaction isn’t one of ‘what can we really do to avoid this’ but ‘yeah, that makes perfect sense.’ Even suggestions as to how to avoid it are more likely to counsel such troubled people into becoming happy heteronormative entities as opposed to how to learn to live happily as they are within a culture of shame & enforced sameness.27mirror012Growing up queer I certainly entertained the idea of suicide. My creative heroes where men who took the slow suicide route – drinking themselves to death. Or the the case of Mishima making a grand gesture of ending his own life. Even today the sexual repression he experienced as a gay man is not seen as a contributing factor in his actions – in fact his sexuality is deliberately obscured.27mirror01So growing up in culture that regards sexuality in these way it seems hardly surprising that many chose to opt out totally. There seems to be no accepting option for those who want to opt out of being male or female, to become genderless. And is some states in the USA no public washrooms for them to use either.27mirror014The statement made to Andrew has that implied notion that suicide is a viable option, which it may be under certain extreme circumstances because I do think we have the right to decide how to end our lives as opposed to forced medical intervention. But no one has the right to suggest or support it as a viable option to any disability, or to any non-heteronormative choices.


a win win situation 

I have nothing to add

I had something to say

someone else has already it said it

there’s no need for me to repeat it

that is often the case

when I keep my big mouth shut

some else beats me to the punch

I can keep my thoughts to myself

which allows me to appear wiser than I am

silence often passes for depth

the less I say

the less I have to substantiate

I have nothing to prove either

I’ve found the the fast to talk

have a need

to define their territory
to prove their knowledge

to get their point across

whereas I

am content to wait

maybe say enough

to agree or disagree

which gets my point across

to argue is to defeat the purpose

to say too much

is to take on more responsibility

that I need to

it keeps others from thinking for themselves

if it hasn’t been said

I can add my few cents worth

readily and once

it pays to say things only once

if you miss what I said

I may repeat it

but repetition isn’t productive either

saying it over and over

doesn’t strengthen a position

doesn’t inform

so I say once clearly

perhaps again with variation

if I’m not caught up in what I have to say

in what I have to establish

about who I am

I get to hear what you’re saying

I listen without formulating a response

whether I agree or not

is often irrelevant anyway

most people are so invested

in response

they don’t hear what anyone else may say


so why waste my time

on people who ask my thoughts

only to jump in with theirs

whenever possible

the less I say

the smarter you think you are

so it’s a win win situation


cover170x170-1on going 🙂 when new podcast are posted:  Deliciously iTunes

June 3-5: attending: Capturing Fire 2016newcap

check out these poets from Capturing Fire 2015:

Here’s my DC experience 2015:

June 11, Saturday  – attending: The Toronto Poetry Talks – 10 AM – Metro Hall, 55 John Street, Toronto, Ontario M5V 3C6


June 12, Sunday – participating: Michael Matheson – The Axe and the Scalpel – Editing Your Own Work 1:00 pm – Bakka-Phoenix Books – 84 Harbord Street, Toronto, ON M5S 2H7construction vert

tickets here

September 1-4: attending FanExpo 2016 (I’ve already registered)


November 1 – 30 Participating NaNoWriMo



Hey! Now you can give me $$$ to defray blog fees & buy coffee in Washington – sweet,eh?

Like my pictures? I post lots on Tumblrmirror01

One thought on “The Decision to Live

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