Closet Mutterings (1999)
I’m tried of prettifying
making things
seem more or less
than what they are
in an attempt
to make them somehow palatable
for those
whose sensitivities might be offended
I’m tired of walking on egg shells
of hinting
when I want to come right and say
whatever it is I want to say
to say sucking cock
instead of
savouring your flesh
not that I didn’t savour
the flesh
but to say merely that
brings a thin membrane
between the actual
and the experience
so that it loses some of the
what I savour
so that I can detach
just a little
from the immediacy of the experience
so that I can
feel
someone how less
in the clutches
of animal instinct
so that by somehow
making it appear
to be an intellectual experience
the sucking of cock becomes
a step in a great,
more spiritual, existence
than once again
giving into to animal pleasure
the denial of pleasure
is what the prettifying comes down to
the little step away
from the vulgar
to make one less predatory
not that I prey
on those who I come in contact with
not that I deny
there is a direct link
between the spirit and the cock
a direct connection
between the grace of life
and the sex
spirit and sex
are one
if one cuts one out
the other
loses its power
loses its savour
a spirit without sex
is too fragile to exist
it shatters too easily
it has nothing to ground itself to
the airy ether of spiritual transcendence
without a firm ground in reality
leaves one without shape or strength
and a root that does not
allow itself to grow into the air
remains unfulfilled and stunted
we need to make the distance
between the root and the air
shorter
not longer
and the prettifying
is merely away of making that path longer
all the words and phrases
only succeed in doing
is covering up the reality
what we enjoy
that we hunger for
the physical presence
the sexual presence of one another
not of everyone
but of some
that a life without is a life without
not a life within
the inner grows from acceptance
not from denial
but there are those
who are too deeply invested
in what is right and proper
that will not allow
or recognize
that will deny and punish
any who try to bring
the spiritual in contact with the flesh
that don’t see
God below the belt
that don’t see
grace and cock
as things
one can connect
without being
damned
cast out
heretic
sick and vile filthy and degraded
the spawn of Satan
to some
where as they are the ones who should be chided
but not cast out
let them be
let them rail against
those who have no fear or qualm
about putting aside the pretty phrase
those who do not
pretend to find
some deeper context to absolve
the cock
to turn aside the pleasure
to turn the pleasure
into intellectual detachment
that becomes safe
for consumption at all times
for cock is for consumption at all times
take and eat
for this my cock
be blessed with this moment
the blood
thick white ejaculate
immaculate and cleansing
For June I’m turning the payback machine to party like it’s1999 with a look at pieces I wrote then. Some of these I haven’t edited or contemplated since. Closet is a theme I’ve returned to several times – self-censorship getting in the way of language. I hadn’t gotten back into performing when I wrote this so I must have been contemplating being out in front of groups of strangers.
I had been reading a fair bit of poetry – queer, hetero & noticed that poetry seemed to demand a step away from explicit to be considered ‘serious’ – the search for the soft yet provocative image – to gauze over the lens as a demonstration of imagination. As if leaving up to the reader’s imagination was a superior creative decision.
To avoid slut shaming there was/is this drive to make sex more a spiritual expression of human communication – to justify getting one’s rocks off as more than getting one’s rocks off – because to enjoy sex for the sake of enjoying sex is shameful, shallow. My writing & presenting attitude has changed since I wrote this. I’m pretty comfortable writing about my sexuality, my experiences in my poetry. My degree of explicitness will vary according to who I am reading to – I certainly wouldn’t present the same sexily charged material to a group of high schoolers as I would to a an audience of erotica fans.
There is a current trend now to include ‘trigger’ warnings which I find disconcerting. At a recent lgbtq reading one poet did a ‘trigger’ warning for his pieces because they contained explicit queer sexual material – wtf! He did this because there were trans & lesbians in the audience. Strangely enough the lesbian who read didn’t include such a warning for her graphic sex piece.The only piece of mine I use a warning for is Nuncle John which is at least 70% blasphemous swearing – not that I personally care if it offends or triggers anyone but I want people know I’m aware it can offend. If anyone is offended by any of my out pieces at a lgtbq event they have been blessed. Of course this piece ends with out-right blasphemy 🙂
on going 🙂 when new podcast are posted: Deliciously iTunes
June 3-5: attending: Capturing Fire 2016
check out these poets from Capturing Fire 2015: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCx5KD1eDccdjdTdQ28kZRNg
Here’s my DC experience 2015: http://wp.me/P1RtxU-1e3
June 11, Saturday – attending: The Toronto Poetry Talks – 10 AM – Metro Hall, 55 John Street, Toronto, Ontario M5V 3C6
https://www.facebook.com/events/147955055574679/
June 12, Sunday – participating: Michael Matheson – The Axe and the Scalpel – Editing Your Own Work 1:00 pm – Bakka-Phoenix Books – 84 Harbord Street, Toronto, ON M5S 2H7
September 1-4: attending FanExpo 2016 (I’ve already registered)
https://www.facebook.com/fanexpocanada/?fref=ts
November 1 – 30 Participating NaNoWriMo
Hey! Now you can give me $$$ to defray blog fees & buy coffee in Washington – sweet,eh? paypal.me/TOpoet