Coming Out In

Andrew Gurza’s Deliciously Disabled podcast continues to amaze, educated & sensitize me, not only to the complexities  & challenges of being disabled, but also to being queer. In a recent podcast he talking about finally coming out gay, then finding it hard to come into the gay scene. Not that everyone who comes out doesn’t have to do some negotiation with entering the queer world: am I going to be gym bunny, bear, hipster, drag – so many options to create a visible presence. Andrew can’t change his disability & how it appears. The right leather pants won’t make his chair invisible.03ochair01His attitude has gone from fear, anger, to one of realistic understanding. Most people don’t have the context for dealing with his life, so his duty is to teach them by making disability more visible & less threatening. He pulls no punches in his podcasts. Explicit & funny he gets to the point, repeats it until it is made.03ochair02In conversation with Claudia Alick at Capturing Fire 16 she explained that she often gets invited to present because she’s check-box perfect: black, female, disabled, articulate & sexually diverse. One person to cover all this bases – too bad she isn’t paid as five different people. One thing she discovered is that organizers don’t mind her being out about her sexuality they are uncomfortable with her being so explicit about it.03ochair03I’ve hit this same thing in some of my readings. Queer in theory is fine by most folk but the minute you mention body parts (cock) & sucking on them, attitudes change. I’ve had this happen even with queer audiences. Odd how some lesbians are eager to talk about pussy yet get offended when a man talks about cock. But I digress.03ochair04Claudia said that people would be happier with her if she were asexual, hence diverse but non-threatening. As I get older the push for me to become asexual increases too, not that I’ve been hyper-sexual, but I didn’t come out to pretend that sex was just a theory for me, one that I would outgrow. Coming out, then fitting in, presents a challenge, Andrew addresses this directly, without self-pity & humour.


Nice Shirt

do I want to be noticed

or be remembered

do I want to make an impression

or be respected

not that I know what respect means


singled out

brought to the attention of all

by someone else

do I want to pull focus to myself

no one else gets seen

so that rather than respect

I get resentment

for being an attention seeking whore


my apologies

to the legitimate whores here

I know that’s a derogatory term to some

but whatever pays the rent is fine by me

even it means sucking

all the attention out of the room

to yourself

with a turn of an unpopular phrase


so I guess respect isn’t on the table after all

it calls for too much restraint

too much attention

to saying the right thing

wearing the discrete things

at the right time

even if that means giving lip service

to the #politically correct of the moment

the expediency of taking the pulse

and giving the crowd

what it needs to keep it being

in my favour


their respect is more lasting

than self-respect


doesn’t call enough attention to itself

it becomes a sort of humility

a ‘gosh darn it’ step aside

for those who need the attention

more than you


that’s the attention I want to steal

without doing more than being present

the less I do

for the attention I get

the happier everyone is

oh yes, I like this shirt

thanks for noticing itsoon02


cover170x170-1on going 🙂 when new podcast are posted:  Deliciously iTunes

September 1-4: attending FanExpo 2016 (I’ve already registered)


November 1 – 30 Participating NaNoWriMo



June 2-4: attending: Capturing Fire 2017 –


check out these poets from Capturing Fire 2015:


Hey! Now you can give me $$$ to defray blog fees & buy coffee in Washington – sweet,eh?

Like my pictures? I post lots on Tumblr

silver chair

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.