Languages frees and it confines, it is flexible and unyielding. Emojis are replacing words. I’m being asking what pronouns I want to be used when I am introduced at a poetry event. If I chose ‘he’ am I triggering those who find gender specificity oppressive, offensive & restrictive. Will my ‘he’ appear not hip, appear deliberately obstructionist & insensitive.
I am gratified that this asking happens – that more & more the taking for granted of the rigid gender forms is being broken down but our language hasn’t been able to keep up with change. I was told it was okay to refer to someone as ‘a person’ but not as a ‘man’ or ‘woman.’ Person frees them of sexual definition but acknowledges them as human.
Many are opting for the non-specific they, them – even Facebook allows people to chose gender neutral pronouns, at least in North America. As the trans community develops a stronger voice more attention is being focused on the use of language to allow inclusivity, to allow non-specificity as well if the that is what the person wants. 
I grew up with others questioning my gender & my sexuality. Are you a boy or are you girl? I sported long blond hair in high school & got tormented because of that & my fashion sense. I never doubted that I was male, but it was clear I wasn’t a sporty guy, merely someone who didn’t fit in & didn’t work too hard at fitting in either.
It’s been easy for me to stop genderizing people in conversation, in face-to-face meetings. Personally it makes little difference to me but I respect that gendered language matters to those that feel it confines, assumes things about them that aren’t true.
When I decided to brand myself as TOpoet.ca I experienced how unwilling some are to accommodate anything that deviates from the norm. There is this expectation of a ‘real’ name – one host reading from the open stage sign up said to the effect ‘I don’t understand what this name is so I’m skipping them.’ I didn’t get to perform (nor did I ever go back to that series). Some will drop the .ca or use my ‘real’ name as if I hadn’t signed on with my brand. So I know how taxing it can be to change pronouns or to create a non-genderized name & have people balk at using it.
So even if people would feel I am mocking them I’ve taken my personal pronoun a step further. I perform as TOpoet.ca whenever I can get hosts to accept that. I now use ‘it’ when asked what my preferred pronoun is. Something that frees me not only of gender but being confined by humaness.
Black Bile
now that I see you
you are not all that attractive
not that well hung
yet there’s something about you
that I can’t resist
you aren’t that funny
intelligent
or even show any generosity of spirit
it must be that air
of toxic masculinity
that draws me in
like so many people
I find that your machismo
can’t be denied
can’t be contained or controlled
your willingness to go balls to the wall
fuck everyone’s opinions or feelings
has a persuasive quality
I wish the placating
‘you can’t be like that’ sayers
possessed
they lack the sex appeal
of your full steam ahead
make no apologies
for anything
if your dick isn’t perfect
you fuck away without regard
because you know that’s
all anyone really wants
they long for the powerful thrust
of that toxic masculinity
they are eager to die for your attention
they may be critical
but you know
that secretly in the depth of their hearts
they wish they had the magnetism
that drives the black bile of your sperm
check out these poets from Capturing Fire 2015: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCx5KD1eDccdjdTdQ28kZRNg
Hey! Now you can give me $$$ to defray blog fees & buy coffee in Washington – sweet,eh? paypal.me/TOpoet
Like my pictures? I post lots on Tumblr
