Andrew Gurza has rebranded himself as Disability After Dark – the thrust of his focus remains the same – to shed light (& clothes) in his exploration of hot sex & disability. After a hiatus in which he moved, reaccessed his goals, his podcast has returned to iTunes with a welcome burst of direct, honest & human commentary.
On one he talks about his ‘sex drive’ & comes to the conclusion that often he finds himself using sex to initiate contact, even when he isn’t particularly interested in sex. It’s as if wihtout sexual interest there is no interest. Maybe it isn’t as simplistic as that – there are studies that show attractive people get preferential treatment which is linked, somehow, to propagation of the species – we select to mate with what we find attractive.
Some of that is hardwired – what we are attracted to isn’t so hardwired – but that subtext of sexual possibility plays a role in all our interactions. So we unconsciously use that as much as it uses us. So Andrew relying on sex to initiate contact isn’t such an unusual trait.
This enters the territory of FWB – friends with benefits – though many claim to want benefits without being friends I’ve never found that satisfying. Friends without benefits I enjoy but benefits without friendliness isn’t for me. Once upon a time I was driven by my sex drive – there was more than one hit-and-run with me behind the wheel or under someone else’s wheels. As I’ve gotten older I’ve become less reckless but still enjoy the ride.
The Escape Plan
there was no one to talk to
no one to trust
bags were packed
the escape plan was ready
the secret was kept
because as long as
the bags were packed
it was bearable
never questioning why
why not just get out
why not tell
why stick around in a situation
where bags must be packed
when an escape plan is needed
where secrets must be kept
putting up with the suspicions
isn’t proof of character
isn’t a demonstration
of the depths of love commitment
but of a need to suffer
or a need for approval
from someone
who only approves of blind obedience
as long as that secret is kept
like that packed bag
you can relish that isolation
an identity forged by forbearance
of circumstances
‘beyond your control’
so you never need discover
an identity of your own
when its always their fault
you can remain perfect
June 8-9: attending: Capturing Fire 2018 –
check out these poets from Capturing Fire 2015: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCx5KD1eDccdjdTdQ28kZRNg
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