Misery Loves An Audience


Law 10: Infection: Avoid the Unhappy and Unlucky

we’ll get together

when you are in a better mood

I’m bored of your problems

it’s as simple as that

it’s almost as if

you try to see if you can

bring me down

but that’s not going to happen

misery loves an audience

and I’m no longer

willing to be the audience for your misery

of course I still like

it’s not a matter of like

yes you deserve to be heard

to be listened to

but I’ve heard enough

I don’t need to hear any more

if you focused on the positive

more often

perhaps things would improve for you

so call me back

when you are in a better mood

not the bitter one

you present to the world

most of the time

yes I know

that makes me just like all the others

the ones who had no time for you

who got fed up with your

never ending crisis

where the solution to one situation

only made something else worse

no I don’t want you to kill yourself

but if you chose to

don’t blame me for that choice

in fact

don’t even mention me in the note

as one of the few people

who were concerned for you

because I know that’ll

be yet another way of saying

we failed you

that I failed you

that life failed you

and if that’s true

I can live with it

even if you can’t


Law 10 goes to against that cultural people-pleasing notion that we must help the struggling, that to avoid negative people is a lack of compassion. We also live in a culture in which negativity is seen as being realistic & to be positive is a sign of being delusional. Negative Nancy vs Pollyanna. I once had a friend say don’t shine on my misery parade (or something to that effect.)

30-gar02In recovery people share more about their struggles & obstacles than their victories. People in general are much more willing to get together & bitch than praise – lots of talk about operations, illnesses or things that went wrong on a vacation.

I noticed this when I recently did jury duty – strangers in the pool ‘bonded’ over shared unpleasantries – negative experiences in hospitals, coffee shops, driving to court. It’s almost as if talking about good stuff is showing off, not showing enough humility.



The law also talks about ‘infection’ – the sense that like a cold, negativity is contagious. If it isn’t, there’s also guilt by association. If you are seen too often with depressed people, others will assume you are also a negative person & treat you accordingly. So I have fairly strong boundaries when engaging with gripers.

I don’t put much energy into relationships with people who defined themselves by their ‘victimhood.’ By relationship I mean friendships – in the recovery community I work best with people who are seeking change, which is about 90% of them. People who chose to stay stuck, identified or defined by their hopelessness aren’t usually drawn to me anyway.



Misery loves an audience more than it loves company. I’m not a good audience so I make bad company.




on going 🙂 when new podcast are posted:  Disability after Dark  iTunes

November 1 – 30 Participating NaNoWriMo



December – Thursday Dec 1st – Toronto, 8 pm, Buddies in Bad Times Theatre, 12 Alexander St.




Early 2017:

my first local feature in over a year: location date TBA

it came in

April season 3 FINALS – Friday April 15th Buddies in Bad Times – early show – 7pm startgames


June 2-4: attending: Capturing Fire 2017 –



check out these poets from  Capturing Fire 2015 & 2016

August 31-Sept.3




Hey! Now you can give me $$$ to defray blog fees & buy coffee in Washington – sweet,eh? paypal.me/TOpoet

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