NO NO NO thank you

 

samp

NO NO NO thank you

he asks a leading question

the one to find out

if I’m in to him

if I find him sexually desirable

I don’t want to lead him on

but I also don’t want a discussion

about why I don’t find him sexually desirable

because we have met face to face

we have gotten naked for a play date

but there was no sexual chemistry

I don’t really care if I see him again

I don’t want to be friends

I have enough of those already

that I don’t have time to hang out with

I sense that if I say yes to friends

he’ll always have that naked again hope

that when I decline

he’ll get pissed at me

for leading him on

because we are socially comfortable

on opposite sides of a table

in a coffee shop

how honest do I need to be

to not come across as cold

indifferent

he asks that leading question

which isn’t going to lead

to where he hopes

because even through

there was no sexual chemistry

we both enjoyed it

but for me

enjoyment isn’t enough

14-toy01

As with many of the Laws as prompts this one, Law 12, is where it lead me & bears little relation to the actual law. ‘Selective honesty’ led me to think of those situations in which a truth is told ‘You are good looking’ while with-holding ‘but I’m not into you.’

14-toy02This deals with the treacherous waters of friends with benefits, people-pleasing and control. The emotional situation is not confined to same-sex attraction. I’ve met many who got caught in ‘relationships’ built solely on the other person’s attraction to them, not on their attraction to the other person.

A two hour tumble, that leads to a two week fling, then moving in after two months, then breaking up after two years can take twenty years to get over. Too many get caught up in the shame of admitting no attraction & the fear of telling another person there is no attraction – not wanting to hurt someone’s feelings is a trap. It’s almost a fear that admitting sexual motivation makes one shallow so we pretend these feelings we may not have or no longer have. Finding a way to let them down easy, or to be let down easy – as I’ve been on both sides of this equation.14-toy03

These days I’d rather come across as cold than lead someone to believe there’s more than there is. The hurt is more embarrassing than traumatizing anyway. It might be an ego boost to spend time with someone who wants me but whom I’m not so into but in the long run it never does them any favours.

14-toy04

 

Personally I’d rather be told ‘no thanks’ than be lead on because some guy fears he’ll hurt my feelings by saying there’s no interest. By lead on I mean saying things like ‘let’s play again’ then being too busy because being busy is easier than saying no – same with ‘not tonight.’ Say ‘no’ twice & your balls are out of my court for good.

 

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One thought on “NO NO NO thank you

  1. I prefer to make decisions based on as much truth as I can. I agree, tell me upfront that you “just aren’t that into me”, that it was just about the sex, and let me go on from there. Funny, I was just reminiscing over a very similar deal yesterday on the drive home…

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