Big Fat Tops Only :-)

13-redsofa02Disability After Dark  started 2017 with Andrew Gurza‘s interview with Jerome Stuart Nichols – a self-described big black gay guy. In nearly 80 min they cover the gamut of queerdom, race, disability, mental issues, alcoholism, weight & masculinity. And representation.

That is representation beyond token stereotype. Jerome asks why most fat people on TV have to be looking for ways to lose weight or being angsty about being accepted for who they are because of their weight – why can’t they be shown just being happy as they are in a context where no one sees weight as an issue. But then where is the drama in that?

13-redsofa03Andrew takes great pride in his lack of shame about his nakedness – I’ve seen the pics 🙂 – mainly because he wants to see disability eroticized, as opposed to fetishized. It made me wonder – is the world ready for Steven Hawking’s nude spread? If that question seems tasteless, or overly sardonic – part of Andrew’s drive is to force people to consider sexuality outside of what may be ‘pretty.’

13-redstrat01My Tumblr feed follows a very wide range of male types from dwarf, midget, Asian bears, thicker men, hairy dudes, Arab hotties, with some average joe’s in the mix too. In none of these groups do I see the visibly disabled with the exception of hyper-masculine Alex Minsky: a one-legged, tattooed, muscular, well-hung guy. I’m sure there’s a feed devoted to guys with walkers, leg braces but you know I want to see them with everyone not set aside as a sort of seamy side stream. This is what Andrew aims for as well. The Tumblr’s I follow I found because they were reposted part of a bigger thread.

13-redflower04Jerome talks about changing from being a bottom to being a top – how that has affected his sense of masculinity in a positive way. The podcast was long enough but I would have enjoyed more of an exploration of why there is no such thing as a masculine bottom? Did Jerome feel feminized when he was a bottom? The dynamic of top – bottom is perhaps too complex – having engaged in both I found both made me feel very sexual but no more fem or masculine than I already am. But this a topic for a later blog post.


Nothing To Lose


what have I got to lose

this is opportunity

not solution

this is a move in a direction

right or wrong

doesn’t matter as much as

this is a move in a direction

I have more to lose

by remain still

by keeping safe

all I have is to lose


I say no when I mean no

I don’t explain


don’t condition it as a potential yes

I’ll repeat the no

but if it takes more than one repeat

to be heard

I say nothing

I walk

because if you can’t respect my no

then my yes is meaningless to you


I say no

without anger

it’s not meant to punish

to teach anyone a lesson

it means exactly what it say



I don’t want what I don’t want

I don’t want that item on the menu

I don’t want to walk any further

I don’t want to talk about it


once I’ve said no

I’m not open to negotiation

any more than you are

in your eagerness for a yes


there are times when no is pointless

I can say no more shit

but it keeps coming

from people who don’t ask for permission

they take thing into their own hands

pick up the gun

don’t make excuses apologies

bold brash trigger pullers

teaching us the lesson

that tolerance isn’t acceptance

that the law

can’t legislate thoughts


there are no thought police

only pundits

to say how terrible it is

after the fact


after the fact

it’s too late to be bold

enough to say anything

even though before the fact

it was bold enough

to celebrate ourselves

our skins

our agency as humans


after the fact

it’s too late to say no

but by keeping safe

all I have is to lose

Like my pictures? I post lots on Tumblr


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