Compartmentalized Sex

27-red01Some guys I meet on line say they are looking for FWB: friends with benefits when what they want is BWO: bodies with orifices which I think is a step below FB: fuck buddies. Friends & buddies imply some emotional context beside sex. Some are after no kissing, no talking: come quick & go. Removing identity becomes a turn on – anonymous glory-holes thrive on this reduction of sex to the mechanics of body parts.

27-red02In a recent Disability After Dark podcast Andrew Gurza talks about vulnerability & the erotic power of conversation. By conversation he, & I, mean more than reiterating what one is into: top, bottom, rough, gentle. I’m not looking for much more than that when I first meet someone but if it is to continue I need more than hi, cold out today, ooh that feels good, bye.

Not that I’m looking for an in depth discussion of current political events or who was worse dressed at the Oscars but I do like to know a bit about their growing up queer. I meet, for some reason, a lot of emigre men & hearing about growing up queer (or otherwise) in the Philippines, Uganda, Budapest, Columbia – fascinates me.

27-redtoy03I prefer chatty men – doesn’t have to be complex. If they really aren’t talkers, as one guy I see is he answers questions but doesn’t really initiate that much – I end up talking about the music that we’re listening to, travel plans. In his case I hear what his flesh has to say & that is enough 🙂

27-redcart04It sometimes feels men keep silent for protection – to avoid the vulnerability of making even a casual emotional connection/context for getting naked. They want share their privates yet keep their lives private – compartmentalizing their sexual hunger from their emotional or spiritual needs for fear of getting hurt, mocked, shamed or heavens – actually developing some affection besides that was the best bj I’ve ever had.

Andrew is clear about the erotic power of conversation – it can be a form of foreplay even when it isn’t sexually charged teasing & flirting. You want to get me hard – asking about my photography is a good start – oh you didn’t know I took photographs – well that is a telephoto lens in my pants & I’m glad to see you too.



boy gets girl

dog lives

monster vanquished

boy buys right girl

man repents

eviler spirits arise

escape succeeds

money isn’t enough

love conquers all

she feels compete in marriage

success isn’t everything

family is reunited

all is forgiven

things are never the same again

she knows better

he finds a purpose in self sacrifice

boy gets boy

dog learns a lesson

man rescued from loneliness by child

greed is punished

being pretty isn’t fulfilling

he didn’t really want her

the lame horse wins a race

he dies saving others

the truth remains hidden

it was all a dream

there is no escaping

they were ghosts

drugs were a bad choice

bad guy repents

she was a princess all along

the villain was his father

the castle blows up

the space ship blows up

the race is won

girl is now a boy

marriage means more than career

he is a genius

the plants were evil

Satan is foiled

he walks again

she forgives her rapist

he sees the errors of his ways

his heart is ten times bigger

everyone is dead

I’ll be performing Spoilers in my March feature at Hot Damn!


Like my pictures? I post lots on Tumblr


One thought on “Compartmentalized Sex

  1. “Spoilers” in deed – love this piece. Care to share a little on it’s inspiration / development. Great post as well. I hadn’t paid much attention to how humans compartmentalize their sexual lives; all the many things we do to numb ourselves to actually FEELING. Food for thought that has me doing some self-examination. Thanks. 🙂

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