A self-righteous person (usually cismale) opens fire with a weapon of choice and kills people. There is shock, tears, reporters asking witness/survivors ‘how did you feel’ moments after – as if someone is going to say ‘oh, I felt we deserved it. we had it coming.’ This is quickly followed by the call to forgive the alleged perpetrator because without forgiveness the healing can’t begin.
Without forgiveness the victim now is blamed for their choice to feel anger or vengeance. This pattern repeats with variations. A woman who was raped presses charges & is asked why she hasn’t forgiven her rapist. When did forgiveness become letting the allegedly guilty party off the hook. How did letting people face the consequence of their actions become unfair & unreasonable.
Several years ago a ‘straight’ man who was found guilty of manslaughter in the death of a gay man was released because the embarrassment he had suffered already was enough punishment. Why ruin your rapist’s promising life with this blot on his reputation. Forgiveness becomes permission to continue the behaviour. The lesson in being taught isn’t to change behaviour but to be more careful. To pick victims with less ‘power’ to defend themselves. Forgiveness only leads to healing if consequences are faced & changes are made. Which, as far as I can tell, hasn’t happened yet & of course that’s because the dead just aren’t forgiving enough.
Not that I think one should dwell on things & never move on. There is a need for a personal emotional release to go forward. But to have someone, anyone, demand or prescribe forgiveness doesn’t help with that emotional release.
Dead Already
he was dead already
that’s why I shot him
I thought he was ignoring me
that he was refusing to answer
a refusal that showed an utter disregard
a lack of respect for my position
I have every right to be expected
to be listened to
to be obeyed
without questions
without hesitation
so when he refused
to acknowledge my command
to wake the fuck up
to roll off that bed
to lay face down on the floor
with his hands behind his back
I shot him
I panicked
when he didn’t move
I thought he was plotting
that he was waiting for me to get closer
so he could pull off
his oxygen mask
pull out his intravenous tubes
and strangle me with them
that he would grab a scalpel
and cut me to ribbons
I sensed he was faking it
to lure me to my death
so I shot him in self-defence
because he was unresponsive
he’ll never do that again
I taught him a lesson
let that be a lesson to anyone
who thinks being dead
is a way to avoid
our righteous violence
to protect the moral values
of the world we want to live in
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Couldn’t agree more!!
This is such an important piece. People, no matter how good their intentions, need to know that, every time this is said, that they are in fact, dealing what could be the death blow on someone’s healing. The poem made me cry. Thank you. I’m going to share this on my wall.