Only This Is Sex

On a recent Disability After Dark, Andrew Gurza talks with Amber DiPietra. They discuss, amongst other things how sex is so genital focused. Partly due to the number of sensory nerve endings concentrated in that area of the body. Biology plays a role but they make it clear that our sexual needs aren’t limited to such a small area of the body.

I’ve met men who have never had their backs touched except when being hugged. Rubbing my stubbly chin down their spines has produced organisms as they discovered they had sexual energy that could be released there. The back as a sex organ comes as a pleasant surprise to many. But one has to take the time to get there. Same with the backs of the knees. When the rush is to the pecker or the honey pot we focus all our attention & time there. One of the most erotic experiences I remember was when a man washed my hands for me – washed & dried them.

I’m one of those who likes to take my time – conversation, some kissing. The feeling of a man getting aroused with is pants on is more tantalizing than him pulling them off asap (though that can, at times, be pretty hot too). If all they are interested in is that few square inches on me or them I tend to lose interest quickly.

Much like our sex lives get compartmentalized in isolation from anything else in our lives we tend to do the same with the body – don’t touch me there, that’s not sex, no foreplay please, let’s just rub private parts together. Let’s rub only these 1 square inch sectors of our bodies together. Don’t touch me with your hands. Only the head please. Only the clit darling.

I wonder if there is an equivalent of the glory hole for women – in which only the part they want touched is visible – so nothing else can be touched – they don’t have see who is touching & the toucher doesn’t have to who they are touching. Let’s compartmentalize identity right of the equation.

Trigger Warning: Banality

it was a piece of mine

about the awakening of my

queer sensibility

of being twelve years old

seeing the bared stomach of a classmate

me wanting to see more


I was taken to task

by a listener

for being insensitive

to those who had been sexually molested

at the age of twelve

of being indifferent to the suffering

that has haunted them ever since

I was told

that I should know better

show a greater sensitivity

my future audiences


another person found

a piece in which I expressed pleasure

in sucking cock & having mine sucked

to be a clear sign of sex addiction

& yes another example of my

insensitivity to those who have

been traumatized by past trauma

I did not point out the redundancy

I did not apologize

as they clearly expected me to do


I’d rather be thought insensitive

that waste my time proving I’m not

I will not be silenced

your past pain does not

trump my experience

does not make yours more


more morally sound

I will not be silenced

I was silenced enough

in my past about being open & out

by ‘normal’ people

offended by sexuality

I’m not going to let happen

by ‘alternative’ people

offended by sex


I will not waste time

figuring out what trigger warning

I have to use

because I can’t predict what may offend

when it seems

my rather banal childhood

my fumbling discovery of gay sexuality

is offensive enough


Chapbooks available:


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featuring: Tuesday, March 21: 7:30 p.m. Hot-Sauced Words –

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April season 3 FINALS – Friday April 15th Buddies in Bad Times – early show – 7pm start – Featuring Queen Sheba. Slam winner gets trip to Capturing Fire & maybe coffee with me in

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check out these poets from  Capturing Fire 2015 & 2016

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