#DadBodHot 2

One of the issues Andrew Gurza frequently address in his Disability After Dark podcasts is how we view our bodies, particularly as being attractive, as well as being judged attractive. One of ‘draws’ to dark room sex, glory hole sex, is that one reduces bodies to very specific parts in which attractiveness is no longer an issue. A mouth is never too old with no face, a cock with no overweight body to distract is always perfect.

In Andrew’s case it is clearly having a body that doesn’t fit into, or even get represented, in most queer contexts. Part of his mission to change that & in doing so he’s had to face how he feels about his body. We grow up in a culture were actually liking one’s body is seen as egotistical, conceited. Everyone I know wants to lose another five pounds.

I don’t think I’ve ever not had free-weights of some sort in my various homes. There were times when I worked at working out – had weight benches that also made for great clothes drying racks. I wanted to look as good as I thought I was supposed to look for others to find me hot. It never happened.

I was in my late 20’s when I moved to Toronto, so by then I was already over the hill for 80% of gay men – plus I wasn’t dark or hairy – increasing that % to 85, then add my being clean sober by 30 & I was left with maybe 5% of gay men who might find me at all sexually viable – at the best of times.

Today I know that much of my discontent with my body comes from insidious cultural attitudes about fitness & health, about age & market demographics. One of my Tumblr feeds covers a range of races & body types but the ones that get the most comments are the fittest. Older men are ‘fine’ when they have tats, piercings, body hair and six-packs, & oh yes usually sizeable packages.

I do find all those attributes attractive but I’m also ‘turned on’ by guys with bodies like mine – ordinary, average packaged, Dad bodies. The one thing you don’t get much of in photographs is personality – one has go by face (if there is one), setting (naked at a bar hoisting a glass of wine – no thanks) & clarity of image. If all the pics are out of focus chances are so are they. But that’s a topic for another blog post – playing to your target demographic. #DadBodHot

Listening to Andrew I’ve been able to look closer at how I feel about body types, my body type. I’ve taken steps (http://wp.me/p1RtxU-1Xs) in how I package my package thanks to Daily Jocks  https://dailyjocks.com – I may be the only one who sees my undies but that’s fine – if I look hot to myself then my % is improved already. The more comfortable I have become with the shape I’m in the more men I’ve met who are turned on by the shape I’m in.


Too Not Much

it would have been too much work

too much responsibility

there so many other things

I would rather do

it was enough to have the chance

I didn’t set out

with that in mind

so the fact that it didn’t happen

doesn’t bother me a bit

I had nothing to prove

my family is proud of me

they were thrilled I had the opportunity

they were not let down

when I didn’t get the win

they knew it would mean

I’d have less time for them

helping and growing with them

is more important

I am already blessed enough

my life is so full now

I couldn’t have taken on

more responsibility  more acclaim

I have too much going on

I have to find a way of doing less

not taking on more

no matter how profitable

or how much it might

enhance my reputation

I don’t need any more exposure

money is too much work to maintain

I’m happy to keep my life simple

there are those who thrive

on that sort of accomplishment

I’m not one of them

having this opportunity

confirmed that for me

I have too much of what I value

to care about winning

Chapbooks available: http://wp.me/P1RtxU-2f6

14257567_1162384753819933_3271661288579707843_oon going 🙂 when new podcast are posted:  Disability after Dark  iTunes


Hey! Now you can give me $$$ to defray blog fees & buy coffee in Washington – sweet,eh? paypal.me/TOpoet

Like my pictures? I post lots on Tumblr


Like my pictures? I post lots on Tumblr


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