Coming Out in DC

The final full day in Washington was lazy and productive. I aimed for two museum trips & such at Ted Bulletin. The over 35C cut things down to one museum: This Jewish Military on R Street – a fifteen minute walk from my hotel. I love these ‘modest’ collections that convey to me a different perspective. One two floors there was enough to see to feel how these soldiers were trying to a part of culture & prove their patriotism and manliness.

 

Most of the material focused on the two World Wars. I was touched by the trench art work refashioning bomb casings into vases. There was sense of the hands that made these items as they were eating to fight. I was suitably impressed by the array of medals some of these men had been awarded – arrays of over a dozen in some cases. I saw my first purple heart in the flesh. I bought a couple of camouflage Yarmulkes – perhaps the oddest souvenir I’ve ever purchased. (More Jewish museum pics: http://topoet.tumblr.com/post/161784459693)

Reluctantly I left the museum & headed to 14th Street to lunch at Ted’s Bulletin – one I figure out which way was north I found the diner without any trouble. I love the 30’s detail of this spot & I highly recommend to anyone visiting DC – weekdays are fine – weekend lines-up are too much for me. The food was great – I had a too large breakfast with both bacon & sausage – I still prefer link to patty though & those stringy home fries are weird.

While I was there I did some writing. My friend Lizzie Violet blogs (https://lizzieviolet.com) about writing in cafes – but this is something I rarely do. After hearing some pieces about coming out at Capturing Fire I wrote one about my coming out. It’s below & is a very rough draft transcribed directly from my note book. I had to restrain myself rom playing stoic as I wrote it. But I’m not stoic to deny that I’ll be a bit sorry to head home but also that I look fraud to sleeping my my own little bed & having my entire tee shirt collection to choose from 🙂

Past Washington posts http://wp.me/P1RtxU-1e3

Wrote this while at lunch at Ted’s Bulletin Tuesday June 13, 2017

When I Came Out

when I came out to my friends

I did it by stages

timid stages

like: I’m not queer but if

(name of handsome movie star)

wanted me

I’d be willing to explore

but the truth was

I’d jacked off

to a bathing suit photo of

(name of handsome movie star)

who decades later came out

 

when I came out to my friends

as 100% queer

some were like:

you know I’m not that way

or

never spoke to me again

or

got drunk with me to explore

 

when I came out to my mother

she said

don’t tell your father

when I came out to my father

he said

don’t tell your mother

 

when I came out

no one said

congratulations

or

it’s about fucking time

or

engaged me in conversations

like conversations guys had

about girls they’d like to screw

those playboy bunnies

no one ever asked

are you seeing someone

no one said

oh I work with a gay guy

maybe you’d like to meet him

 

it was as if

being queer

I’d suck any male dick

without discrimination

 

no one said

you must feel incredibly alienated

in this small town hard drinking

red neck hetero culture

 

maybe I was too stoic

not wanting to let anyone in

being queer was bad enough

without presenting myself

as a weepy drama queen

I had to be man enough

masculine enough

so no one would suspect

how much emotion uncertainty

I was experiencing

thanks to that constant rasping

of faggot gear box

 

hearing that

so & so friend of someone

was gay

and had hung themselves

had stepped in front of a semi

on a dark highway

told that by friends

who never said

I hope you don’t do that

or

if you feel like that talk to us

 

when I came out

I was left to my own devices

and survived

and sometimes

I still jack off to the memory

of that bathing suit photo of

(name of handsome movie star)

Hey! Now you can give me $$$ to defray blog fees & buy coffee in Washington at 2018’s capfireslam.org – sweet,eh? paypal.me/TOpoet

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