Lazarus Kiss.26

Sis amplexibus Amor alios mututa memini et amoris in mutationes memini.

May you be embraced by a love beyond recall that alters others

and a love within recall that alters you.



Harris checked his cell to see if he had Alex’s number. The recent calls were all from unknown caller. He deleted them. Had he had kept the napkin that Alex had written number on that first time. Nah. Would the number be listed? He doubted if he could get it from 411. He didn’t know what he wanted to say either so it was okay that he didn’t have the number.

Grabbing Alex and kissing him on the elevator was like scene in a romcom. It would end with them reconnecting in the airport. Yeah, he’d be leaving for Aruba to get away from it all, to mull things out and Alex would be pushing through crowds in the airport to stop him before he got on the plane. Or Harris would be looking, expecting that with frail manipulating music in the background and getting on the plane broken hearted because Alex had taken his final no for a real no and he’d get to his seat and there would be Alex sitting in the one next to him already.

He played out a couple of similar fantasies.

Him showing up at Alex’s wedding like in the Graduate and them taking off to everyone’s shock. Or bringing Alex back to life with a kiss like Neo did with Trinity. The two of them basked in a golden radiance.

Yet the thought of making them actual, removing the lights, the cameras and the emotive music left him with the action. The action, the reality of what they would do. He knew in a general way what gay guys did to each other. He couldn’t see himself doing that. Well, letting Alex suck his cock – that wouldn’t be too bad. That happens in prison and it doesn’t mean either of the guys is really queer.

The curse had locked them in it’s prison. One where neither of them was at liberty to choose. Yet Alex was pretty eager the other day when he was here. Couldn’t wait to strip off in front of Harris. Made all the moves as if he knew what to do. Alex was the one with the hard on not Harris. Got pissed when Harris didn’t respond as he expected. How was he supposed to respond?

The only dick Harris had ever touched was his own. Why had he done that impulsive kiss in the elevator. He could have said fuck off and don’t bother me again and be done with it. He sensed that Alex wouldn’t give up that easily. Harris wanted to get this out of the way to let his life could get back to normal. Was Alex working at Story?

He pulled on shorts and Orko tee and his new Breathers. They were super comfortable and he imagined the little jets of air puffing out like they did on the box. When he got there he didn’t see Cally or Alex. In fact the Monday staff wasn’t familiar to him at all. He doubted if they would give him Alex’s phone number. He sat on the patio with a Sapporo’s wondering what to do.

He paid for his beer and went in to the bathroom and passed the staff room. The door was ajar. He spotted a shift list by the light switch. Names and phone numbers.

“Cool.” He spotted Alex’s and memorized it in a glance. In washroom he called Alex.

“Whose phone are you using now Linda.”

“This isn’t Linda.”

“Harris? I was …”

“Expecting Linda.” Harris left the bar.

“Yeah we had a big blow-out. I had to block her calls.”

“Sounds rough.” Harris didn’t want to appear too eager. “I was just wondering what you were up to?”

“Other than changin’ locks. Nothing. Where you at?”
“Can we meet for a coffee” He didn’t want a repeat of what happened at his place. Alex was a strong. Queer rape wasn’t something fantasized about.

“Yeah, I guess. Where?”

“That Mug Thuggs near Sherbourne.”

“Yeah, say, half-an-hour.”

“See you then.”

Harris wasn’t sure what to do to kill that much time. He noticed was wearing the shorts that he had let Alex wear the other day. Right, he’s already gotten into my pants. Nah, going back to his place was too much trouble. His new Breathers were more comfortable than he expected. If that other pair fit he’d keep them.

He walked to Sherbourne. He saw Alex sitting in the cafe window. He waved. Alex smiled and waved back.

A van stopped and cut off the view. A man hopped out of the diver’s side.

“Get in we have to talk.” The man slid the side door open and pushed Harris toward it.

It was Dave. It was a Mamma S’s pizza party delivery van. There was woman sitting in the passenger seat.

“What the fuck.” Harris twisted away. Dave grabbed him by the arm and pulled him back.

“I don’t want to hurt you. We only want to talk to you. See it’s Fran … I mean Kate. She came back.”

Cars horns were blowing.

“Let him go.” Alex was pulling Dave away. “I said let him go.”

“Who the hell are you?” Dave pushed Harris at the open door of the van.

“None y’r business.” Alex dropped into a defense stance.

“Butt out buddy, This is between this guy and me. See.”

Alex grabbed Dave and spun him around. “Not any more.”


Kate woke around noon rested and at peace. Her room at Phil’s actually had space to move between the bed and the walls. She realized how quickly she had adapted to the tiny room in Sal’s mobile home. How long could she have lived there though. She could hear every noise, fart or burp, anyone made in that trailer.

Here she could hear nothing. Noise from outside when she listened intently. But it was silence. All silence.

So she was back. Now what? She dreading having to face Sophia but knew there was no choice. She did love Dave but could she pry him away from his mother.

She showered. Changed into Julie’s clothes. They were too large for her. She tied a bandana around her head. It would do while her hair grew back in. No more wigs.

She went downstairs. No one was home. There was note on the kitchen table.

“Kate, make yourself at home. There’s lots to eat in the fridge. Phil is usually home around 5 and I’ll be home around 2. GiGio.”

GiGio was Phil’s wife.

She had a banana and yogurt. She went to the bank to see how much she had. There had been a insurance settlement when her parents died. She hadn’t dipped much into that thanks to the trust fund Mamma S had created to look after her medical needs.

She could afford a decent place. Had enough for first and last. But could she get a place without a real job. She’d need one as the money in the bank wouldn’t last forever.

First she had to get her stuff out of Sophia’s house. It had seemed natural that she live there while she was getting her treatments. Close to her fiancee and all that, now she wanted a life of her own. Too many people had been looking after her and it was time she learned how to do that herself.

She went to the Pazzoni house. Her key worked. Sophia hadn’t changed the locks. In her room she piled what she wanted on the bed. No more teddy bears or angels. Time to let those things go. Clothes that fit, shoes were all she needed. The photos of her parents went into the pile. The rest Sophia could donate.

What she had barely filled the suitcase. It was more than enough to start a life. She had been ready to start one with even less when she landed in Calgary.

Someone come in through the back door. It wasn’t Sophia. She knew the sound of Sophia’s high heels. It had to be Dave. She went up to the kitchen with her suitcase.


“Fra … Kate!”

She was suddenly his arms. Kissing him.

“I had to get my stuff. Your mother can do what she wants with the rest of it.”

“You are leaving! For good?”

“Leaving this house. Not you. I could never leave you.” she rubbed his head. He was such a big kid she could never hurt him. “You know that.”

She unbuttoned his shirt. His eyes widened.

“There is one other thing I’d like to leave in this house.”

“What’s that?” he whispered.

“Let’s go downstairs.” She took him by the hand.

They’d fooled around a few times so she wasn’t surprised by the weight of him, by the naked feel of him as they kissed and teased each other. But they had never gone all the way. There wasn’t as much pain as she expected when he entered her for the first time. He didn’t feel as large as he looked either. It felt right.

She lay snuggled against him.

“Thanks.” He kissed the back of her neck.

She rolled to face him “No more till we tie the knot.”

He bolted up. “You mean the wedding is on?”
“Not Mamma Pazzoni’s wedding though. Mine.”

“Anything you say.”

“Let’s get out of here before she gets home.”
She was dismayed to see the pizza party van in the garage. Covered with Mamma’s logos it was a traveling billboard not transportation.

“This’ll have to do I suppose.” she kissed him.

He opened the side door and put her suitcase in the back.

“Now keep your eyes on the road.” she touched his arm as he got into the driver’s seat. “Not on me.”

She dropped his hat over the security camera.

“We can’t keep my mother out of our lives that easily.”

“I’ll … we’ll think of something. It’s not as if she can sell your half of the business. I have money of my own.”

They we’re coming up to Bloor.

“Hey that’s him.” Kate bobbed in her seat.

“That guy I met. You know the one whose picture I don’t remember taking. I have to talk to him. I have to. Stop. Stop.”

Dave pulled over sharply and got out of the van. He slid the side door open and pushed Harris toward it. “Get in we have to talk.”

“What the fuck.” Harris twisted away. Dave grabbed him by the arm and pulled him back.

“We only want to talk to you. See it’s Fran … I mean Kate. She came back.”

Cars honked. Kate saw a guy dash out of the cafe.

“Let him go.” The man pulled Dave away. “I said let him go.”

“Who the hell are you?” Dave pushed Harris at the open door of the van.

“None of your business.” The man hunched a little.

“Butt out buddy, This is between this guy and me. see.”

The man grabbed Dave and twisted him around. “Not any more.”


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