Rejection

On a recent recent DisabilityAfterDark Andrew Gurza interviews Josh Galassi and they talk about a range of issues – in particular when to come out about their disability on dating sites like Grindr, Scruff (don’t look for me on either as I don’t have a smart phone). Neither wants to mislead but at the same time don’t want to be rejected before any sort of contact can be initiated.

Both have experienced face-to-face rejections as well as ghosting (someone who is interested then vanishes when you reveal something like being wheel-chair disabled). I’ve had experience with both those ‘dating’ styles. Not that I am disabled in any way but I’ve had guys totally eager who ghosted me when I replied ‘no’ to things like do you do poppers, smoke up etc.

 

When I was first in Toronto I did some personal ad dating – there was no Internet in those days – via Body Politic, later Extra. I had guys who showed up at my apartment, took one look when I opened the door turned on their heels & left. I guess looking like my description was too much for them. I was totally discouraged by that – was I that repulsive, unattractive, not butch enough, too butch. At least Andrew knows the why – which doesn’t make rejection any easier to take mind you.

Listening to Andrew and Josh talk about how deeply they were affected by their early dating ‘mishaps’ it made me realize how I was more that disappointed & confused. I felt undesirable and for a time was willing to go with anyone who showed an interest, even if i wasn’t all that keen on them. Growing up fearful about expressing sex I was almost grateful anyone showing sexual interest in me – it was if they were just doing it to be nice. I never thought these men might be as afraid of rejection as I was.

I know today rejection isn’t the end of the road it just clearing the way for the next opportunity.

 

Matty

before she married my Dad

my Mom dated a guy named Matty O’Malley

but when my Dad showed up

she only had eyes for him

this is how that story always began

 

I ask “were you blind before Dad”

and she would laugh

“well I really didn’t know

what a man looked like till your Dad.

Matty was a big brawly bruiser

with legs big enough to seat two people”

 

“sounds like you saw a lot of Matty

for someone who was blind” I joke

“well I suppose I did

young girls in those days

were supposed to be shy creatures

but I wasn’t like other girls

which was something your Dad realized

but that Matty never appreciated

Matty tried to impress me with money

his manly smell

the things I was taught

a man was supposed to do

to get the girl of his dreams”

 

“you were the girl of Matty’s dreams”

“well I guess so but his dreams were over

when I laid eyes on your father”

I would look at my Dad

as he snored in front of the wireless

toes poking out of socks

loose jockey shorts

that barely held his abundant manhood

and I didn’t get it

 

“Dad was the man of your dreams”

“I didn’t even know I was asleep honey

I thought Matty O’Malley was my fate

that I’d have to marry him

live in one of those big houses on Gold Crescent

with swimming pools and servants

Matty was one of the richest men in the village”

 

“Dad woke you up from that dream”

all I could see was me

in one of those swimming pools

“that’s for sure

it was during Moosefest

when he strode right up to me

took me by the arm

before I knew it we were walking up the aisle

and I was beating his clothes clean on the rocks”

 

“what about Matty”

“oh he killed himself silly man.

jumped into the canal during the wedding

it was sort of sad

but each time I see your Dad . . . ”

she stopped to brush some crumbs of moose pie

from my sleeping Dad’s lap

“I know I made the right decision”

 

her voice changed to a softer pitch

which told me it was time to leave the room

I went to the back yard

that held my Dad’s ramshackle shed

 

no swimming pool

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November 1-30

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