Out Out Damn …

On a recent Disability After Dark Andrew Gurza interviews his mother about his coming out. It is a rich episode, one that anyone who has come out will find lots to identify with – plus the story of his birth is incredible – though knowing what US medical care costs I wonder if his family is still paying it off.

One thing that gets overlooked is that gay people are always coming out – we don’t just come out once to our family & friends. We practically come out every time we meet someone who assumed the default setting that the world is cis-hetero. Even if sexuality isn’t relevant it becomes an issue if we hold back that information & the other finds out. “I want this wedding cake but with two men on the top.”

When I was actively involved as a lab rat for medical research – often one of a group of up to 40 others – guys would be talking about girlfriends, wives, children etc. I’d often be asked if I had any children, or how my wife/girlfriend felt about me doing this sort of work. Conversations to pass the tedious time that I avoided as much as possible.

Andrew’s mother was non-pulsed, & much like my parents, were more concerned about the social ramifications of being out. Back in the day, before I came out, same-sex sex was illegal, secretive, evil, dirty. I didn’t come out fully to my parents until after I had moved to Toronto. By then some of the laws had changed, but let’s face it, you can’t legislate thought. Even today’s laws haven’t reduced the amount of violence directed at the gay community.

I never had the sort of in depth discussion with my family about coming out as Andrew did with his. Then again I never had any discussion about sex period. I learned it all from Playboy & Penthouse; & when I found a source from gay porn novels & magazines. I can’t even remember if I ever had a discussion with anyone about what it felt like to come out while I was coming out. Gay guys I met then were more interested in dick size, top, bottom, than how do you emotionally feel about being who you are. But I eventually met a perfect match.

A Perfect Match

the first time

I was really with a woman

I ran my fingers

through her dark hair

as she touched mine

you have such fine hair she told me

she kissed me   lips gentle

opened her mouth a little

my hand under her sweater

searched along her bra


we continue to kiss on the bed

I held her soft breasts

solid    light yet with weight    substance

circled blissful raspberry nipples

with my thumbs

I had read Penthouse    Playboy

I knew the mechanics

of peach fuzzed mounds


she pulled off my pants

more kissing touching

you’re a sweet kisser she told me

she moved my hand to her thatch

splayed my fingers

pushed them in one by one

that feels good she whispered


the folds were sticky

she guided my cock

I rocked my hips in   out

it was warm moist frictionless

she clenched with her leg muscles

breathed heavily into my ear

then we rolled apart

I didn’t come    wasn’t even close

she smiled kissed me some more


I couldn’t wait to wash my hands


the first time

I was really with a man

never read what to do

I knew exactly what to do

we yanked at each others’ clothes

tongues raced pulse pounding

so much friction

I came

like a match being struck

chapbooks for sale http://wp.me/P1RtxU-2f6


HotDamn! It’s A Queer Slam




June – dates t.b.a – Capturing Fire 2018 – Washington D.C.

Hey! Now you can give me $$$ to defray blog fees & buy ice cream in Washington at 2018’s capfireslam.org – sweet,eh? paypal.me/TOpoet

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