Dangerous Potential

samprules2

Started a new set of prompts – I love lists of things – this one will prove to be endlessly productive for another couple of years – 227 Rules For Monks. Who knew the simple life could be so complex. These are from the 30 nissaggiyas

Dangerous Affirmations

you’ll never amount to anything

you have so much potential

you better buckle down

work harder

you can do better

you can’t be that stupid

 

that was my past

I try not to live there too long

most days I don’t

but like that scar on my knee

from when I fell off my bike

that memory of the past

will always be there

 

the fall was more embarrassing

than painful

lots of bleeding

while the grit was washed out

the sting of antiseptic

the sting

of how could you be so careless

why don’t you watch where you’re going

 

the teacher who told me

I’d never amount to anything

if I didn’t buckle down

try harder

stop wasting my potential

echoed all my teachers

my parents

my culture

that never did tell me

why amounting to anything

was so important

when I was told that queers were worthless

I was already worthless anyway

they didn’t know how queer I was

I was just different

and that had to be coaxed out of me

they failed

 

I failed

I never did live up to my full potential

I never figured out what that was

other than to survive that time

that epoch

when chemical castration

shock treatment

were considered the natural effective

courses to take

if one was caught

with their pants down

fulling some unnatural potential

 

that damage was done though

there are moments

days

when I find myself thinking

I’m useless

stupid

not worth the air I breathe

when I should just get out of the way

of entitled people who are moving forward

making a difference

 

I never amounted to much

just what I am now

and if it isn’t good enough

you have the potential to

get over it

Hey! Now you can give me $$$ to defray blog fees & buy coffee in Washington at 2018’s capfireslam.org – sweet,eh? paypal.me/TOpoet

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