A cishetero friend in recovery asked me how gay men could place themselves in such ‘risky’ situations. I knew he was spurred by the salacious media coverage of the murders. The media hasn’t refrained from revealing specific ‘play’ experiences some men have had with the accused.
Several things came to mind for me. Much like the women Jian Ghomeshi abused – many people have a different notion of what rough sex means & jump into situations without parameters. To one ‘rough’ means ‘I’ll fuck you hard & bruise your nipples’ to the other it means ‘I’ll slap you around & choke you till you nearly pass out.’
This is why communication is crucial yet too often we are unwilling to be clear. Saying yes to one thing isn’t saying yes to another. Yes you can hold my wrists down with your hands, isn’t permission to then snap on handcuffs.
Men don’t set out to place themselves in risky situations but get caught in them and out of ‘politeness’ let things go too far. It can be easy to get caught in the escalating patterns of I let him do that I might as well let him do this as well. The partner can often say the same things – well you let me do that why not let me do this too – well because I don’t want you to.
These men weren’t told ‘it’ll be so hot to let me kill you’. These are the known victims Selim Esen, 44, Andrew Kinsman, 49, Majeed Kayhan, 58, Soroush Mahmudi, 50, Dean Lisowick, 47 – plus one unindentified. I’ll repeat their names. His will probably never be forgotten so there’s no need for me to mention it.
I was taking a leek in some bar washroom
there was this message on the wall
‘for better bj than jesus call ….’
the cynic in me was mildly amused
as I sanitized my hands
the theological implications
started to reveal themselves to me
I knew Christ did miracles
but that wasn’t one that I recalled
though I have had some amazing bj’s
that resurrected my will to live
but that JC might’ve be into that
had never crossed my mind
it did put that whole last supper
take and eat etc
into a completely different light
I saw how sacrilegious the graffiti was
the deep disrespect it showed the sacred
would these thoughts result
in my condemnation to eternal damnation
was I as bad the person who wrote this
or am I a jaded indifferent observer
with no real faith or direction
someone to whom a blow job
is more significant than salvation
should I have written down the number
or does it matter
what apparition appears in front of anyone
March 8, Thursday – Hot Damn! It’s A Queer Slam Workshop: 4 pm at Glad Day with D’Scribe.
March 8, Thursday – Hot Damn! It’s A Queer Slam Slam: 8 pm Buddies In Bad Times Theatre Feature D’Scribe
HotDamn! It’s A Queer Slam
April 03 – every Tuesday
June 8-9 – Capturing Fire 2018 – Washington D.C. (flight & hotel already booked) capfireslam.org