Pleasure Shame

 

I try not to follow the Toronto serial-killer investigation yet when new info is released I have to know. More remains found in planters. A new victim revealed but not identified. That’s seven so far, three have been named, all have faces. One has no name. One wasn’t even reported missing. What do we know? What do I want to know?

I want to know that I am safe. No one is safe though. The accused is behind bars, the victims are in drawers, plans bags for bodies of evidence. I think on the nature of identity, of race, of class. I question my own memory of occasions – did I know this one? The face is familiar but can I pull it from the smudged mash of memory to be sure?

A man I knew for many years hasn’t been in touch for a year now. I check his Facebook: no new posts over a year, I’ve sent email, FB messages and have heard nothing. What do I do next? He wasn’t out to his family, so I worry about contacting them. Silence seems the safe option. He’s not the accused’s type so I discount that danger yet the worry remains.

A friend tells me story about an event a few years ago. Walking along a Village street with another friend and hearing loud, rough play in a parked van. Now they look back & wonder – was that a murder in progress. Should they have done something then other than joke about loud sex in a van?

This is the new worry. The past becomes ominous, missing friends stop being men who have lost interest & moved on but potential victims.

These are the identified victims (so far) Selim Esen, 44; Andrew Kinsman, 49; Majeed Kayhan, 58; Soroush Mahmudi, 50; and Dean Lisowick, 47. I’ll repeat their names. His will probably never be forgotten so there’s no need for me to mention it.

Pleasure Shame

I look for names

remains identified

I find spanking  bondage

photos of unnamed corpses

blaming

 

completion

that will never happed

even when they are laid to rest

apparently

some will never be identified

unknown soldiers

lost in a battle

of pleasure shame secrecy

where public judgement

makes the victims

guiltier than the killer

https://wp.me/P1RtxU-2f6

kiss3

HotDamn! It’s A Queer Slam

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June 8-9 – Capturing Fire 2018 – Washington D.C. (flight & hotel already booked) capfireslam.org 

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