Hip To Be Them
because of my entitlement
pronouns are irrelevant
but to some
every he his him
in a text is an attack
on their identity
they feel discounted distanced
I could think
don’t be such sensitive
cry babies
who feel every thing in life
that doesn’t kowtow to your comfort
is an attack on your sense of self
but I accept this sense
of being made invisible
being treated as a non-person
not included
not seeing yourself represented
in a meaningful respectful way
I grew up as a queer boy
who never saw otherness of any kind
represented except in a sneering way
that equated gay with feminine
setting the standard
that anything not masculine
was not valued
if it wasn’t represented
it didn’t exist
or merely wasn’t worth representing
I began to realize
that mens’ fragile masculinity
wouldn’t allow anything
to reflect on that fragile masculinity
so buddy movies always had the
culturally acceptable romance subplot
so no one could sense any homoerotic
shenanigans were possible
between the men
pronouns have become relevant
definition creates awareness & possibly change
but because it’s irrelevant to me
what pronouns anyone chooses
that doesn’t keep me from respecting
its relevance to you
I sometimes forget who has opted to be a them. I find it awkward to do a review of a poetry reading when there are assorted pronouns to deal with which them is them referring to? I try to stick to names as much possible particularly when it isn’t clear who is a they from the outset. At the Playground Conference people were given stickers to chose from – he, she, they, or ask me. I chose the ask me, but no one did. At my age one is no longer considered sexually viable & are rendered invisible – so pronouns are my irrelevant.
Gendered neutral language is still so tentative that using it is a political statement. I wonder if sometimes people are looking to be argumentative rather than self-defining – a sense that use of pronouns covers the itch to get into a intellectual slap fight. If one chooses to use the pronoun that goes with their cisgender, regardless of how supportive they are, they become the enemy for not shedding culturally imposed grammar.
I like the way that gender roles are being challenged by something as simple as specifying a pronoun. The reactions to this have mainly been cisgendered heterosexual men who are intrenched in their right to decide just how you are to demonstrate your gender – i.e. all gay men are limp wristed feminine punch lines to jokes. Any challenge to their entitlement turns them into self-righteous victims of the very people they want to victimize.
Fragile masculinity forces these men to say things like ‘no homo’ rather than express some sort of affection towards another men. They respect a bully and elect proudly womanizing presidents. Imagine if that president wanted to be called they – I half expect him to start using the royal we. Personally I have chosen “it” or “that” for use in my bio, or, when given the opportunity, at conferences or readings.
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