Kharis
is this the last wrap
or the first
the first wrap was a tissue
of lies
‘oh i’m fine’
I used that wrap
over & over
until the tissue
was a layer after layer of
‘oh i’m fine’
‘i don’t mind’
‘how can i make you happy’
walking away
rather than add another layer
hoping no thread was snagged
on a expectation
an exception
on resurrecting love
I was protected
entombed by safety
by the fact
that all anyone wanted to hear
was ‘oh i’m fine’
‘this bandage solution will do’
‘you deserve to be fixed first’
bound tight
peering at life though the slits
surrendered to the weight of history
pushed along by an unquestioned past
by ritual expectations
controlled by the clasp of gauze
layer upon layer after layer
some turned to dust
some turned to scar
some turned to face the moon
reaching for release
decayed tissue
dust motes settling in the moonlight
‘how can i make you happy?’
‘how can i unravel the book of life’
can i survive
without another layer
of this tissue
this scar tissue of lies
‘oh i’m fine’
This piece was inspired by both the phrase ‘tissue of lies’ and seeing Christopher Lee in ‘The Mummy’ 1959 – that was on TCM. The essence of the story is a man so in love he can’t stay dead. I saw it as an allegory for the notions we get wrapped up by our culture about what love means. How those wrappings confine rather than preserve and yet many persist in putting them on voluntarily.
There’s also reference to the ‘bandage solution’ in which the apology is supposed to be absolution that lets one off the hook. ‘I’m sorry for queer bashing you so please don’t send me to jail.’ Enough layers of ‘sorry’ and guilt gets buried.Here too I see the bandages as those things we say to placate others while we hide our real feelings – ‘I’m fine’ rather that ‘I’m fucking angry.’
In the Lee film there is The Scroll of Life that brings the Mummy to life – no moonlight tanna leaves in this version – one ritual has to be performed moonlight etc. The power of the word replaces the mystic of plants. The Mummy’s drive to protect and make happy the princess & goes about it blind to any damage left in his wake.
Masculinity can be like layers of bandage, traditions & cultural expectation that men find themselves compelled to fulfill – a weight of history & unquestioned pasts that like the ending of The Mummy drowns men in a swamp of ‘oh i’m fine.’ Is masculinity a better option than admitting that entitlement can’t unravel the Scroll of Life.
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