In recovery one can get dumbstruck by an intoxicating lust for another member in recovery. This is known as 13th stepping – turning the hand of AA into the gland of AA 🙂 This has happened to me a few times in my early years. One of those times was Andrew X. X, of course, to grant him some anonymity.
Andrew was the living embodiment of a Tom of Finland character. For those of you unfamiliar with the type Google can help 🙂 Thick set, muscular, nordic features, square jaw, broad forehead always with a sweep of hair, slightly squinty eyes, and well-hung.
For a couple months we hung out a lot. I helped paint his apartment, we talked before & after meetings. Once we went all the way one afternoon. Neither of us was disappointed, & both of us stayed sober too. But, as it always the case, there was more attraction for him on my side than from him.
He met the man of his dreams & they quickly set up housekeeping. We remained good friends though. They were regulars at our Xmas day feast for a few years. Andrew started a ceramic side-business – Aneramics. One Christmas he gave me a set of angel chimes that now hangs every December in the bathroom. Another year it was set of teddy bear ornaments. One of which I still have.
We remained good friends & his partner & I got along nicely. I was on Andrew’s home care team as his HIV progressed. He was eventually transferred to Casey House where he succumbed to the disease. I was heartbroken & still miss him. I put up the chimes every year. The tip of one of the angle’s wings has broken off & though I could fix it I have resisted. Andrew wasn’t a perfect angel either.