The Pleasure of No

The Pleasure of No

this was the power dynamic

my pleasure

was to be in getting him off

that’s it

nothing was given in return

except the opportunity

to get him off

he felt that was enough

that it should be enough

yet it wasn’t enough

for me

after the first few times

when I said no

he didn’t ask what could he do

to shift this power dynamic

so I told him anyway

but he wasn’t interested

in what didn’t get him off

so I wasn’t interested

which became my fault

wasn’t his cock nice enough

didn’t he thank me enough

my answer was yes yes

but I wanted more

in this exchange

when that more wasn’t forth coming

my pleasure

was the power of no

Entitlement manifests in many ways: if you are wealthy enough rules of politeness do not apply to you; if you are white & cute enough to can get away with murder (literally). I read of one politician who refused to pay for food at a restaurant because his reputation was so great people would flock to that place eat because he had eaten there – now that’s entitlement in action.

This piece is about that power dynamic in dating/sexual interaction. Often I engage with men who feel that their cock size, or their sexual technique, permits them to be the centre of of my attention – yet if I objectify them as ‘big dick’ they feel used, they are a person after all. When I suggest I too have attention wants they are ‘you are too needy.’ Pointing out the paradox isn’t helpful.

I told one man that I wanted more than ‘a good fuck’ to keep me interested. His reply was that he understood, that we could become friends, with benefits (for him.) He didn’t ask – what more can I do to be more sexually engaging – he figured his dick was enough to satisfy all my sexual needs. I said, ‘you could suck my dick’ – he looked at me as if I was a fool to think he’d ever suck a dick.

I stopped responding to his messages. I’m not designed to be a sex educator, to be someone who teaches better communication skills to horned up men. One guy I did block opened a new profile with a new name and started messaging me again about how much his misses etc. New name but the same approach doesn’t equal entitlement. No.