The Pleasure of No
this was the power dynamic
my pleasure
was to be in getting him off
that’s it
nothing was given in return
except the opportunity
to get him off
he felt that was enough
that it should be enough
yet it wasn’t enough
for me
after the first few times
when I said no
he didn’t ask what could he do
to shift this power dynamic
so I told him anyway
but he wasn’t interested
in what didn’t get him off
so I wasn’t interested
which became my fault
wasn’t his cock nice enough
didn’t he thank me enough
my answer was yes yes
but I wanted more
in this exchange
when that more wasn’t forth coming
my pleasure
was the power of no
Entitlement manifests in many ways: if you are wealthy enough rules of politeness do not apply to you; if you are white & cute enough to can get away with murder (literally). I read of one politician who refused to pay for food at a restaurant because his reputation was so great people would flock to that place eat because he had eaten there – now that’s entitlement in action.
This piece is about that power dynamic in dating/sexual interaction. Often I engage with men who feel that their cock size, or their sexual technique, permits them to be the centre of of my attention – yet if I objectify them as ‘big dick’ they feel used, they are a person after all. When I suggest I too have attention
wants they are ‘you are too needy.’ Pointing out the paradox isn’t helpful.
I told one man that I wanted more than ‘a good fuck’ to keep me interested. His reply was that he understood, that we could become friends, with benefits (for him.) He didn’t ask – what more can I do to be more sexually engaging – he figured his dick was enough to satisfy all my sexual needs. I said, ‘you could suck my dick’ – he looked at me as if I was a fool to think he’d ever suck a dick.
I stopped responding to his messages. I’m not designed to be a sex educator, to be someone who teaches better communication skills to horned up men. One guy I did block opened a new profile with a new name and started messaging me again about how much his misses etc. New name but the same approach doesn’t equal entitlement. No.
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