In The Company of Strangers
after two minutes
I knew this conversation
wasn’t going anywhere
it had started off so promising
with an ‘I can’t wait to meet you
I’ve heard so much about you’
so we meet
we start to talk
and after a minute
their eyes look around
at others
for others
for escape
we nod at the right times
chuckle at the right times
but aren’t looking at each other
eyes rove over one another’s shoulders
looking for some someone better
our attention intention
we showed in each other
abruptly comprised
by the alluring promise
of others around us
of faces and smiles
of someone else to talk to
all of them is at least as interesting
all of who would only hold
our eager attention for a moment
because like the one
who was so eager to meet them
our eyes would be darting
looking someone else
with bigger promise
bigger reputation
to be seen talking too
to be seen walking away from
to a better opportunity
because there is always a better opportunity
even when the one
in front of you is good enough
This ‘attention intention’ has happened to me so many times I’ve stopped bothering to make conversation at things like readings, workshops, book signings, people’s parties (even my own.) People want to be seen talking but rarely want to be seen listening 🙂 I have mastered the nod, frown, chuckle responses to the point where, much like them, I’m not fully listening as their eyes dart around the room for the person they were really waiting for.
Or if they aren’t placing around the room hey are glancing at their smart phone, or stopping in the middle of a chuckle to check their smart phone. The news feed from people not in the room being more commanding than the people foolish enough to be in the room. Or maybe they are texting or receiving nods to someone else already in the room.
Occasionally someone does engage me in a ‘real’ conversation that starts with asking about me then quickly becomes them talking about themselves. I never discourage them. I know how to say things like ‘great’ or ‘that must be very stressful’ ‘tell me more.’ Which gives each of us a chance to glance over each other’s shoulder.
I no longer take such social interactions seriously or personally. At one time I did get miffed when eye contact couldn’t be maintained longer than it took to recognize each other. When someone say’s ‘it’s been great talking to you’ I know it really means the view over my shoulder was good.
Hey! Now you can give me $$$ to defray blog fees & buy coffee on my trip to Cape Breton – sweet,eh? paypal.me/TOpoet
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