I moved to Toronto in 1979. In that first year I got sober, met the man I still share life with, and lost the job that brought me to Toronto. The second year I was working closely with gay men in recovery. The gay cancer – GRID – was already taking its toll on the community. When it first became AIDS – people were confused with Aydes: a diet candy – which went out of business partly because of the phonetic associate with the disease.
A couple of men in 12-step-recovery got me involved in what eventually became ACT – The AIDS Committee of Toronto. I attended those early board meetings as a group of men, women, gay, queer, lesbian, straight created a structure for dealing with what became a holocaust. I helped create the buddy system. Did home care for men I knew. I cycled out of committee work & became part of a meditation, healing circle. I buried more people that I can count.
That’s not a resume I care to reflect upon but recently I read “Hold tight gently: Michael Callen, Essex Hemphill, and the battlefield of AIDS” by Martin B Duberman. It looks at the history of HIV activism in the USA though the lives of two talented men. One white, one black. You know, I can’t recall many minorities participating in those early days when ACT was being shaped here in Toronto. This book reveals the complexity of class, race & marginalization.
Reading it I relived my own fears, frustrations & powerlessness in those years. I felt grief as each – Michael, then Essex died as a result of the inability & unwillingness of the medical community to deal with the crisis. The book also reveals in detail how the marginalized minorities were often left to their own devices to be included in anyway.
The music of Michael Callen is still available on iTunes, check him out on YouTube. More cabaret style though his days with the Flirtations and great fun. Essex Hemphill’s spokenword can be seen on YouTube as well, but be warned he is a brilliant, fearless & confrontative in ways that are still challenging today. Some made me tear up. Sadly most of his writing is out of print 😦 (I’ve ordered two of the out-of-prints via Abe Books). His poetry is breathtaking & heart stopping. His open-hearted emotional frankness has now become one of my inspirations. 
Formative
she asked
are you married single
neither
widower
nope
you have to be one those
I’ve lived with my partner
for over twenty years
we aren’t married.
oh, I that’s common-law
what is her name
his name you mean
oh there’s no place
on this form for male spouse
he isn’t my spouse
he’s my partner
very well
I’ll put own common-law
now what religion are you
none
oh you don’t believe in God
as matter of fact I do believe in God
then what faith do you practice
none
but you can’t believe in God
and not have faith
I do have faith
I do believe in God
but I’m not caught up
in any religious persuasion
I’ll say atheist then
atheists don’t believe in God
I reminded her
but I have to have answers for this form
I’ll just put down atheist
no I am not an atheists
is there a place there for heretic
no
then the form is fascist
it doesn’t allow
for practices
other than those it defines
as acceptable
I didn’t create the form sir
I’m just filling it in
but you made that judgment call
didn’t you
that if I wasn’t religious
I had to be atheist
agnostic at best
we can skip that part of the form
then why is it there
for statistical purposes sir
but the only people
who get statistically counted
are those whom the form allows
to be included
what about us who don’t fit
the confines of the form
don’t we get counted
you get counted as nonbelievers
but I just told you I do believe in God
I’m just not Catholic
Buddhist
Jewish or whatever
possible categories you have
on that form
isn’t there a box you can check for other
no sir there isn’t
let’s move on please
what political party do you support
is this as relevant
as the religious question
or just more statistical information
every Tuesday 2019
June – Capturing Fire 2020 – Washington D.C. 
capfireslam.org
August 2-13: getting back to my roots in Cape Breton 
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June – Capturing Fire 2020 – Washington D.C. capfireslam.org
Hey! Or you can give me $$$ to defray blog fees & buy coffee in Washington at 2020’s capfireslam.org – sweet, eh? paypal.me/TOpoet
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