My sister found a cache of old photos during her isolation house cleaning & sent a jpeg of this one of me as a very wee lad in Wales. I have very vague memories of the several months I spent there but it was pre-kindergarten years. I was an only child, we were living in Winnipeg – where I was born. We were visiting my mother’s huge family in Merthyr Tydfil. By huge I mean at least 10 bothers & sisters. I had lots of aunts, uncles & even some cousins.
How did we get there? I vaguely remember spending time on a liner – The Franconia II (?). We did have a photo of the boat for many years & my sister may yet find that 🙂 as she digs though decades of papers.
It must have been a cool day in Cardiff as I’m wearing top coat & well wrapped in a scarf. Anyway the most telling thing about the photo is the rather wide belt. 
I was a hyper child & the only way my mother could keep me from climbing light poles was to keep me tethered. I’ve marked the actual tether & its shadow in one of the pictures. I remember the tethering but have no memory of the cause 🙂
The other pictures are of a more mature me – all unearth by my sister several years ago. On the beach at Broad Cove along the Cabot Trail. I loved that hat & stuck feathers in it. The shirt had blue stripes. I also love what we called ‘pit socks’ thick wooled, not exactly summer wear. The child I’m dragging might be one of my sisters but looking closely at it I doubt think so.
Next is me in a nice white shirt, possibly one of my Dad’s. The car was Prefect that my dad bought me to teach me how to drive. We’re at Memorial Gardens so I could drive around the road there. Despite the nerd look I never did learn to drive 🙂
The final ‘remember me’ is early 70’s in my almost hippy days 🙂 US draft dodgers had bought & started a farm in vape Breton. We became friends & I visited them a few times. I had a crush on a couple of the guys but didn’t know how to go from thought to action. Other than hair (& weight) I haven’t really changed much, have I?
Odds
these days if I don’t know
I’m willing to step up and say so
I no longer waste time
with bluffing and postulating
on what I thought it might be
wasting time
on half right information
that gets no one anywhere
except back to blame
blame an easy place to get trapped
it means not going forward
but is the ideal excuse
to look for what went wrong
that might have been avoided
if i had been willing at one point
to say
I don’t really know
my guess
isn’t going to be close enough
let’s get the right info
then see where that leads us
because sometimes
even knowing isn’t the solution
I have the right fact for the wrong situation
I may have no idea
what the fuck is going on
so it is better
to make that clear from the start
let someone else
with half right information
take the lead
so we have someone to blame
though sometimes
there is no right or wrong way to go
it’s just important to go
to not stay stuck
waiting for a clear sign
for verifiable facts
to present themselves
but waiting can be
such comforting thing to do
a great place to be
in which nothing gets done
and no one is to blame
we may not get ahead of the game
but at least were still in it aren’t we
I don’t know
there see I’ve admitted it
I don’t know
if we’re in the game or not
I don’t know
how to find out either
does it matter
is it all really a game
or is that an allegorical handle
used to make things
seem more manageable
one that does really work
because rules shift so fast
it’s impossible to keep up with them
impossible to repeat
them make them work
we have to keep plugging
away on available information
be prepared for change
take another step
in some direction
think we get the clear sign
step up
and get flatten
by an on coming car
I hear that can happen
that’s why I’m afraid
of winning the lottery
42 million dollars at last
& a piano falls on me
as I go to the bank to cash the cheque
no I’m not a fatalist
a pigeon could shit me
on the way to the bank
but that’s the worse
regardless of how big the cheque is
or is it a cheque
an automatic bank transfer
a few click of keys
it’s in my account
I don’t know
I’d love to find out
I’m willing to learn
I am open to suggestion
to new information
but this is postulating
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TOpoet 