Week 5 of the Artist’s Way is about possibility & being stuck. Me, stuck at home, thinks there is a possibility a vaccine for covid19 will be found, one that will make some billionaire pharmaceutical even richer & chances are only the rich will be able afford it. Judging by the stats so far, the poor & marginalized will die out anyway. No profit = no cure. But I digress 🙂
Much of the Way looks at how codependency can become a major block to productivity. Sacrificing our time to be of help to others so we can be seen as generous, good, caring. One of the more challenging things about nanowrimo is removing all socially distracting circumstances so we can write selfishly. ‘I can’t help you move because I’m working on novel.’ can end a friendship.
The chapter is full of lists, of us making lists, of lists of things we can do, of things we wish we can do. I made a list of the lists of things & put it on my to do list. I’ll write The History of Listology. One of the task lists was ‘10 ways I am mean to myself.’ Not that I’m self-indulgent but this wasn’t so easy, as I figured it meant now, not how I used to treat myself.
My list is 1. snacking too much; 2. no muscle building in my fitness routines; 3. blah TV; 4. staying up too late; 5. not brushing teeth twice a day; 6. not walking as far; 7. hiding in crowds; 8. not speaking up; 9. too much coffee; 10. comparing myself with others.
I am the enemy
in the eyes of strangers
they glance with distrust
sometimes hate fear distain
it’s not as if
I set out to be the enemy
merely wanted to be myself
merely wanted to play well with others
learn enough at school
to take me through adulthood
and back to the cradle of earth
didn’t set out
to harm attack frighten anyone
don’t go out of my way
to do that today
all I have to do
when sitting on the subway
look up and there
glaring at me
strangers
sizing me up as the enemy
their plight is my fault
my needs an affront
to their tender sensibilities
even when I am oblivious to them;
not pushing any agenda forward
being as still & quiet as I can be
so as not to make waves
to make them aware
of my sabotage of their calm
by merely being present
by breathing the same air
by daring to walk the street
expecting some common courtesy
the same I thoughtlessly extend to them
I don’t see them as my enemy
only as my judgers
as people caught in a fear
of the unknown
I’m no mystery
not a blank page
they can quickly
with their expectations
of what I want to do them
to their innocent saintly children
it’s not the children I care about
not the adults either
which is what makes me the enemy
the one with no demands on them
except to be left alone
to enter into simple human interaction
not laden with anyone’s presumptions
about what power
old white men secretly hold
about the devious things
queers are plotting
how we intend to undermine
their delicate fabric
with
well I don’t know what
where does the reality
slip into the fear
the potential of what might happen
sparks the fear
that the enemy is near
the enemy is me
so keep your distance
June
(canceled by covid19 😦 )June 25-26-27 – Capturing Fire 2020 – Wooly Mammoth Theatre -Washington D.C. 
capfireslam.org
July
(Maybe) All’s Well That Ends Well – Stratford Festival
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