A Valentine
forced to love,
now that’s a tear-jerker,
having heard no man
is self-contained & complete
I am forced to love
made to search
through warm & folding bodies
for isolated responses
for unsure coincidences of desire
sparked by demand
structured into relationships
for the perpetuation of the structure
desperation in every meeting
(will this be the one?)
the eternal lunging crush
prisoners of seduction
fixed positions
bayonets of loving thoughts
tender traps
looked for only the fall into
forced to love
to rationalize tenderness
politicized into affections
scandalized by survival
it’s all one to one
paired by demand
one alone becomes distrusted
forced to love
forced to love
Feb14/76
Of the pieces in the chapbook this is one of the ‘newest’ & reflects a definite stage in my growth philosophically & emotionally. I’m actually directly questioning cultural norms around romance, sexuality & indirectly probing the nature of gender. Clearly I am ‘questioning’ not yet coming out but opening that door 🙂
‘Paired by demand’ hasn’t changed all that much though. We live in a culture where being ‘single’ is seen as an an unhappy choice, a sign of emotional immaturity. Being trapped in an emotionally abusive relationship is for some reason healthier than being single. Getting out of one is merely making one ready for the right relationship to come along. If you wonder how we are ‘structured’ think of how impossible it is to afford to live alone. Most restaurants are at least two seats per table. Bars stools are about the only single seating offered. Drinking alone, yea.
At the time I wrote this I wasn’t as articulate about this squeeze of the cultural imperative to mate bond. Being queer & somewhat closeted at the time I was conflicted by trying to fit the heterocentric romance module I was presented with. The sacredness of fidelity, the sinful cost of pleasure. Folding bodies like folding chairs that only the right person could unfold. You’re nobody until somebody unfolds you.
Looking back I see how the exploration of the cultural mating imperative has become one of my running themes. Like masculinity, it is something that goes unquestioned. Marriage for love & not politic – i.e. merge alliances between nations, merging financial concerns – is a somewhat recent development – maybe 150 years old. The nature of ‘forced’ is one of convenience & control that is accepted & goes unrecognized. The deepest loves of my life have never been forced.
TOpoet 