I’m So Cute
you’ve used up my trust
yes
I know you don’t mean any harm
no
it doesn’t hurt
but I asked you to stop
because it is meaningless
yet distracting
<>
it is like the tip of the ice-burg
that small act
is meant to be affectionate
but I can’t stand it
I don’t enjoy it
it represents your lack of respect
after I’ve asked you not to
<>
if it means
to you
that I don’t have a sense of humour
such is life
it’s not a control issue
on my part
it is the same as
serving food I’m allergic to
then getting pissed off
when I refuse to eat it
or insisting on playing
music you know I can stand
just to be playful
to be annoying
because I’m so cute
when I’m annoyed
<>
enjoy that memory
One of the bunch I used to hang out with on the east coast was a table tapper. It was a habit he wasn’t conscious of & as we talked he would play rhythms to whatever music might be on. He didn’t find it distracting but I did & told him a few times. He tried to control it but after a few drinks tappy tap tap tap. It was harmless enough but eroded my willingness to spend time with the gang when he was around. This piece isn’t about him, directly, nor is it about my need to control, really 🙂
It’s more about the power shifts in relationships – how much is one party willing to put up with or sacrifice in a spirit of cooperation. For some people the meaning of love is putting up with anything & everything, you know, the codependency dance romanticized by movies.
There’s also a micro-aggression subtext here – if what is said or done isn’t all that bad or direct then get over it. In fact being told to ‘get over it’ or ‘it’s just a joke’ is micro-aggression. To question their ‘control issues’ gets turned around into you having ‘control issues.’
This goes beyond someone tapping a table, which is usually not done to irritate but a nervous habit, but to something like someone who – thinking sticking their tongue in your ear is fun & should be sexually arousing when you find it intolerable. When you say things like ‘stop it’ they try to turn into a game & it becomes you being a wet blanket for not playing along – they just want to be playful. When you tell them where to stick their tongue they aren’t playing anymore. 🙂
TOpoet 