Between The Lines
so this is how it ends
no bang
no whimper
but with a snort
two lines of blow
careful spread
on your cellphone screen
<>
that you did
this sort of thing
didn’t bother me particularly
as long as you did it
without me as an audience
as long as you did it
outside of my residence
<>
when you aren’t here
it’s not a part of my life
not a part of our play
our play is best confined
to the two of us
<>
substances
are like a third party
one that quickly becomes the focus
it takes over
demands to be
the only thing that counts
me being in the room
was a distraction
<>
you being in the room
was now a disappointment
and when you left
I was relieved to see you go
not wishing you could stay longer
those two lines
closed a door
that will never open to you again
This is a real life experience. I met this man on a site were younger men who prefer older men ‘meet.’ Most gay sites do have a range of ages but on many, older is horrifying, unseemly &, to be frank, discouraged. But agism is another post. I’m not an aggressive looker but if you want to win the lottery you at least have to buy a ticket 😉 Trust me online dating is a lottery.
He contacts me. Sends me a few sexy pics. Young, straight neither of which do that much for me but he was short, hairy, dark & eager. Number, texts get exchanged & eventually he shows up at my door &, gasp, is almost exactly as he presented himself to be. By almost I mean he looked younger than he claimed but he did show me his ID. By young I mean early 20’s, though emotionally he was just an over sexed 16 year old.
I saw him irregularly for a few years. My experience with guys in recovery kept me from taking him too seriously but I saw no reason to be parental with him either. He loved texting me on the sly when he was at clubs with his girlfriend. My lack of trust was justified. My availability decreased & we weren’t so attached I felt the need to tell him why.
He lost job. He got another one. He moved in with a girlfriend. He lost a girlfriend. He moved back in with his parents. He’s text at 6 in the morning wanting to see me asap – as if that could happen. I was more amused than anything else. This last time was after being ‘busy’ when he texted three or four times with a months between each text, I relented.
The occasion, two years ago now, went pretty much as the piece describes it. I may have heard from him since, I’m not sure, as I deleted his # from my phone, which I do often when I haven’t heard someone for a while or don’t care to hear from them. You know, some people will text expecting you to know who they without tell you who it is that is texting. This year I did get a few festive hellos from these unrecognized number strangers.
So guys keep this in mind – If I’m not the main attraction I’m not interested 🙂
TOpoet 