Running Out
I was running out of excuses
no – not excuses
I was running out of lies
it’s not easy being a nice guy
really
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it’s a conundrum
when you have great sex
with a guy who isn’t your type
who says he had a great time
wants to see you again
while you aren’t that into him
if the sex were boring
it wouldn’t be so complicated
that’s when the lies start
busy with laundry
editing
sister visiting
sore throat
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why can’t he take a hint
why can’t I just say
I’m not that interested
there isn’t enough chemistry
between us for me
it’s nothing personal
well I guess it is pretty personal
it is him you are saying no to
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even after the second time
when I had run out of excuses
the sex was good
but good isn’t enough for me
I want to feel
not necessarily an emotional connection
but something
more than the panic
of running out of excuses
The 227 Rules for Monks is an exhaustive list that is often variations on the same idea – things like – not to touch touch your nose as you sit down, followed by, not to touch your chin as you sit down. As a result of what they lead to for me are variations on a theme as well, some some of these pieces are so like that – I wonder as I edit – ‘didn’t I edit this one two months ago’ & check back to find it – no I didn’t. Like peeling of layers with each version to find out what hides underneath.
On one level it deals with sexual civility, on another is it about the cunning nature of co-dependency – the way people get stuck in relationships, situations that aren’t working simple so they don’t hurt someone’s feelings. The Canadian border remained a covid sieve because out government was unwilling to offend other countries by staying – stay out. Looks here that got us. But that’s a rant for another post.
The short of list excuses are ones I’ve actually used to decline meeting up with someone – not just sex dates but often I just want to feed my addiction to isolation 🙂 Thanks to covid I have been telling some guys that I’m not opening my social bubble period. One was rather insistent about the possibility of sex with masks but I said no. Masks are okay for walking around, shopping but don’t handle gasping, deep breathing very well.
He mocked me for being paranoid & unrealistic about the level of threat. Wrong tactics for sure. I said ‘I’ve seen the #s go up & I’m not going down.’ I was afraid the next thing he’d be telling me condoms are part of a homophobic conspiracy. Did he take it personally? Maybe. Did I care – no.
TOpoet 