May 19, 2021 marks 43 years since I stepped off a plane to arrive here in Toronto on May 19, 1978. I’ve lived briefly on Wellesley St E, Sherborne for about year, briefly in Thorncliffe, Bright Street for a year, Oakdene for some 40 years. I’ve had a ‘real’ job for the first year then nothing ‘real’ since then. I have cleaned apartments, ran a theatre company for about 10 years, became a lab rat for pharmaceutical drug studies.
On the east coast I was working for Famous Players & had asked them for a transfer & ended up being sent to Toronto. The year or so before I left Sydney I subscribed to the Body Politic so I knew there was a gay world larger than the rumoured gay path in the park. I wanted a land of opportunity.
I remember my first few months here. Discovering the bars, dancing, getting sober. I was a blackout drinker & was afraid of backing out at the Quest & heading for home – which probably would have been Sydney – a very long walk. I learned my way around the subway system going to AA meetings.
I left Famous when I discovered I had an allergy to money! My job there consisted of counting box off take. often thousands of dollars of paper more & coins that had to counted & rolled & recounted any hand in airless windowless rooms. Money is filthy & we had no gloves or masks or sanitizers. I got rashes on my hands, arms & severe red-eye. None of which worked on the dance floor 🙂
here’s a piece I wrote my first summer in Toronto
Disco Chips
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1
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electronics
chip away
at the solid state of me
disco chips
chip away chip away
dance away
till only sweat remains
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slip away
escape for a time
a time of being
suck away fuck away
disco chips
chip away chip away
take your time
take my time
take my pace
leave my body
thumping
jumping
energy frenzy
fits the pattern
fumbles the patter
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then
up your nose
up your ass
in your mouth
out of your grasp
cuts your palm
across the life line
the pulse line
pumping thumping
flopping
dancing fists
disco chips
chip away chip away
at the solid of me
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chip away chip away
suck away fuck away
dance away
till only the sweat remains
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2
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I used to laugh
when I was warned
of the lure the scent the heat
of the pleasure palaces
laughed at the phrase
the symbol
till I realized
I couldn’t resist
the lure the scent the heat
even when I saw
no real pleasure
no surreal palace
only a whispering wall
a muttering stuttering
wall of eyes
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I couldn’t resist
the lure the scent the heat
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3
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disco hits
below the belt
disco chips
away the surface reveal
my fear my futility
disco chips
disco hips & disco dicks
suck away fuck away
dance away
disco slips
into the ear
then into the blood
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no alternative
no escape
no please
tango prisoners
music fists
pounding me down
driving my pulse
popper clones
danger zones
disco chips
suck away fuck away
dance away
disco hips & disco dicks
chip away chip away
suck away fuck away
dance away
till only the sweat remains.
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jn78
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