No Room
I’ve lived with the same man
for over forty years
I don’t use poppers or party and play
so I’m not gay enough for the room
<>
I did hiv home care
buried friends
stepped away from the front lines
so I’m not queer enough for the room
<>
I sleep around
sometime have unprotected sex
so I’m not a good example
for anyone in the room
<>
I don’t like Celine Dion or Babs
which is enough to get my
gay card denied
so I don’t have the credentials for the room
<>
I’m over several hills
hills only survivors
know how daunting they can be
such as shame for not being young enough
to be in the room
<>
the web sells us
face lifts work out routines
websites for grandpa devotees
to keep them away from the room
<>
being acceptable in heteronormative
assimilationist terms
was too conditional
I was amused
abused
by the need
for the conformity
to be gay enough to be in the room
<>
I’m not sure
if I ever was in that room
if I was
I wasn’t long for the room
I was tempted to call this No Room At The Inn but the religious connotations were inappropriate. The piece is clearly about assimilationist attitudes that try to rule the queer community. Attitudes that said it was fine for trans men & woman to fight for our rights but then tried to hide them so as not to cast a bad light on all those good, unassuming queers who didn’t want to scare the horses.
I’m not that I am preoccupied with the ways I may or may not fit into various categories I can’t ignore the ways my ‘not fit’ is made clear to me by others, directly or indirectly. PRIDE is clearly focused on a very specific ‘market’ defined by age, appearance, substance of choice, & body type. The one marked improvement in PRIDE over the years has been its greater awareness of race/nationality inclusivity – but honey if you don’t look good in heels, or leather chaps, or jeans you really aren’t that welcome regardless of race, gender or sexuality.
Many years ago I was invited to be part of a PRIDE reading by those of us over a certain age. Cool, I thought, we’re given some recognition. The event was unpaid, we were to be so grateful to be included we would perform for free (a standard PRIDE stance for many performers), the location was as far from the Church street core as possible – I was surprised they didn’t stick us down in Fort York. Only us performers & our friends could find the room.
One of the fallacies of inclusivity is that everyone has equal footing – there is nearly always someone deciding who is the best example of what is to be included. The decision gauge is often unpredictable even when that someone deigns to use it on you. You could be let into the room but please stay in that corner there.
Time to clean my room 🙂
