Ankles Crossing The Line
boys don’t cross ankles
when they sit
only girls cross their ankles
boys can put a foot
on the opposite knee
that is how men sit
you are a man aren’t you
you better start to act like one
how is your belt buckled
only girl have the buckle on the left side
or is it the right side
shirts for boys have buttons on the right side
shirts for girls on the left
or is it the other way
for buckles and buttons
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someone always looks
enforces gender appropriate
mannerisms
a code that if broken
meant derision
only girls sit to pee
only girls cross their ankles
when seated
only girls
can part their hair in the middle
or on the left side
or was it right
I don’t remember now
but in high-school that was vital
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I never got any of that straight
because I wasn’t straight
I wonder if there’s a history of gender that explains how things became categorized as being gender specific. I mean things like colours (pink vs blue), actions (standing when a woman enters the room), professions: well okay I do get that one, as many depend on brute strength, but male nurses are suspect, objects (jewelry), scents (Old Spice vs Chanel No. 5). Men wore aftershave, women wore perfume. I sometimes wear Chanel No. 5.
There are gendered versions of watches, running shoes, shirts, cosmetics etc. Man-sized meals. Real Men don’t eat quiche. Shirley Temple for the ladies, Virgin Caesar for the gents. All of which starts young – toy kitchens aimed at girls, toy tools for boys. Imprinting that never gets questioned. I don’t recall ever asking my mother why all my clothes were blues, blacks & browns – by the time I got to high school I broke free & went for multi-colour & was frequently picked on because of it.
The desire to look ‘fashionable’ was not masculine. The male uniform was bulky jeans, scruffy shoes, blocky dark plaid shirts & shapeless jacket. If one was on a team a team jacket was permissible. If you weren’t on a team you didn’t count anyway. Boys didn’t dance well at sock hops. Masculinity was always established by violence – or rebel stuff like smoking.
Girls who smoked were sluts, boys who moved were toughs – but that’s another poem. I was a rebel who never smoked 🙂 I was a rebel who wore white shoes, who let his hair grow into a Beatles cut. I once was asked are you a boy or a girl so I guess my even my walk wasn’t masculine enough. Conformity was masculine, nonconformity was suspect.
I’d like to think things have changed but a man wearing a gown to the Oscars created a sensation. The increased notice of trans has made many uncomfortable with the changing clarity we once had thanks to defined, unalterable notions of gender.
My pronouns: it, that.
TOpoet 