All Due Respect
when listening
one must not move the head
particularly
to show agreement or disagreement
to do is
infringing on the speaker’s right
to be heard without judgement
to acknowledge in any way
is condescending
either seeking or offering
approval from the speaker
<>
they need no approval
they do not speak
for your approval
merely to be heard
it is important
to keep one’s head as still as possible
so as not to distract
the speaker
or the other listeners
<>
do not violate
invalidate
their emotional space
by any expression at all
give them the dignity
of privacy
<>
if you understand this
stop breathing
In many recovery meetings ‘crosstalk’ is discouraged to give people the opportunity to share without interruption of direct commentary or advice. For the most part it is a good practice as some people clam up if interrupted before they finish a sentence. In workshop setting this rule is often stated too. It makes, I hope, listeners listen rather than thinking of responses to what they are hearing.
I’ve ended a couple of friendships because the person was so eager to jump in that I didn’t get to finish what I was saying. I don’t repeat back what I’ve just heard either to prove to the other person I have been hanging on their every word. I remember once being asked ‘Are you listening to me?’ To which I replied ‘No more than you are listening to yourself.’
But it is impossible to get our faces to shut up. Investigators are trained to read our unconscious facial expressions. They are almost as good as gay men who can tell at a glance if you are interested in them or can convey their interest, or lack of it, with a simple lift of an eyebrow. Non-verbal communication becomes second nature & takes a real effort to control. Poker face anyone?
I also remember an Asian martial art action film star being interviewed & the interviewer saying how much they loved the actor’s voice. The actor laughed saying ‘That’s not my voice! You love the voice actor who dubbed me.”
When I tune into zoom meetings I adjust the feed so my camera is off & I’m getting audio only so that I’m not distracted by faces, pets, background activity. The others don’t get to invade my personal space. I only need to hear what is said, something I often wish I could do in ‘real’ life.
TOpoet 