Eyes Front

Eyes Front

this is what

is in front of me

this is all

I am to focus on

<>

all I need

is in front of me

all else is distraction

delay

avoidance

of what

is in front of me

<>

the noise of crisis

the hum of activity

the sirens

laughter

kisses

all is distraction

avoidance

delay

entertainment

<>

I am not ignoring you

I am ignoring everything

except what

is in front of me

<>

what

is in front of me

is not a mirror

I am not unaware of 

the noise of crisis

the hum of activity

the sirens

laughter

kisses

<>

I watch my steps

but don’t stop taking them

as I move to

as I move with

what

is in front of me

My mother was a multitasker – she would be smoking a cigarette, doing laundry, watching TV, having a cup of tea & knitting – all at the same time. Everything got done. I found it hard to listen to the radio & do my homework at the same time – lol.

When I was doing the NaNoWriMo challenges I was so focused on the work that I was often making note on my walking, working on scene when I was at spoken-word event, or at recovery meetings. I eliminated most social events to keep focused on what I was writing or about to write. I keep that focus up until I has passed at least 60,000 words & then I relaxed a little – some years I manage 90,000 words this way – eager to beat my pervious year’s count but also eager to let my focus soften & enjoy ‘real’ life.

I don’t multitask anymore to the degree my mother did – it took me a little while to get over the feeling that I was being lazy when I wasn’t always doing things, lots of things, to accomplish goals, to justify my life I had to be constantly striving, & when possible, point out how hard I was working at multiple things. I was caught up in a culture of getting ahead, of making more money to buy more things to keep the economy growing. More more more was the only definition of self that was acceptable to many people.  Enjoying more more more less & less was fine as pleasure is shallow, suffering more more is ennobling & respectable.

Today I can be very focused on one thing at a time & enjoy that thing. One thing I did a few years ago was to stop going for walks listening to my iPod. I was now out for a walk & enjoying the walk, hearing there world around me, not lost in some sonic haze & resenting the street noises drowning out my haze. I never did learn to knit.