Hearing Things
I stopped hearing things –
no
to be precise
I was not aware of the things
I was hearing
<>
I heard them so often
they no longer registered
like the rumble of the subway
the sound fades
I only notice when it stops
not that it is silent
but something is missing
<>
some sounds
I always hear
like the ticking of a watch
a clock
when I got my first electronic alarm
that only sounded when it rang
I had my first night of real sleep
<>
I eventually stopped hearing
emotional chatter
the noise of angry squirrels
reminds me of moments in the past
moments
that could alarm me with shame
remorse
bitterness
<>
not that I’ve forgotten them
not that I’m unaware
the subway still runs
and sometimes I take a ride
but I no longer wonder
if that rumble
is my fault
When I was living with my family in Sydney (Cape Breton) I moved my bedroom to the rumpus room in the basement where was cooler in the summer & warmer in the winter. It was like living in a comfy cave with one window at group level. Being in the basement the room was near the furnace. The hum of it heating the house would put me to sleep many nights. I missed that hum when I moved out on my own.
When I arrived in Toronto decades ago I was unprepared for the constant traffic flow, unprepared for the almost constant sound of ambulance & fire engine sirens. On top of which was the rumble of streetcars & the subway. When we moved into our house in the east end of the city it nearly on top of the subway tunnel &, as we later discovered, also above the underground turnoff that took the trains to the east end transit yard.
China rattled on shelves, panes in windows rattled, water in glasses would vibrate. I gradually ‘silenced’ most of those rattles with cloth or shims. After a year I stopped noticing the rumble of the underground but guests to our house nearly always notice it as the trains pass by nearly very five to ten minutes all day. The sound doesn’t stop but I stop hearing it. I don’t notice the sirens as much anymore too.
I did have issues with ticking alarm clocks – the first clock radio I had was a Godsend but those early ones had flip down numbers that I could hear too 😦 I’d have to put them far enough away that I didn’t hear the numbers change but close enough to hear when the radio came on. Thanks to the march of science that’s no longer an issue. My cell phone makes only the noises I want.
The piece also alludes to the emotional noise of people – usually people in distress – that I’ve learned to acknowledge without getting overly caught up in it, unless I’ve contributed to it somehow & even then I don’t take blame for reactions that are more theirs than anything else.
TOpoet 